Uh, Chief, How Do Angelenos Avoid Parking Next to ‘High-Profile Vehicles’?

Police Chief Bernard Parks got a bit of kidding in the L.A. Business Journal after he issued this crime tip for holiday shoppers:

“Don’t park next to sport utility vehicles, vans or other high-profile vehicles that could provide concealment to suspects.”

As the Journal observed, can anyone find a parking spot in L.A. that isn’t next to an SUV or van?

On the road: John Sinasohn of Encino wonders if any of L.A.’s plumbers can make the same claim as did a member of that profession in Las Vegas (see accompanying).

For me, I’d be willing to accept stinky if the guy would just show up on time.

As easy as A-B-S: Continuing our series of geographical mismatches, we turn our spotlight on the wacky alphabetical sequence of piers at Long Beach Harbor (see accompanying). Parents, don’t let your kids read this.

Tree the bad guy! A man who tried to break into a Santa Monica woman’s car one night found out that her anti-burglary system has teeth.

The owner heard noises outside and sent her two German shepherds to investigate. “The suspect attempted to flee the car with $5.60 in change, but instead was driven onto the [car] roof by the dogs,” the Marina del Rey Argonaut said.

The authorities were contacted, the Argonaut said, while the suspect “waited for police on top of the car.” Good suspect!

Such a deal: Walter Notkin of Garden Grove found a stunning bargain in Lake Forest--though it might be a bit top-heavy with all those upstairs bedrooms (see accompanying).

The tender side of phone soliciting: “The telemarketers must be reading your column,” writes Jeffrey Ballam, referring to some negative reports here.

Ballam said he heard from a phone company rep who began, “Hi, Jeff, how are you this evening?”

So, Ballam says, he proceeded to tell her “all about my hip pain, thinking this would turn her off. Well, the call turned into a seminar on ways to check out what the problem might be. . . . I should check to see if one leg is longer than the other, I should go to a chiropractor for an alignment, I should have my hips X-rayed to see if they are OK, etc. . . . I finally got rid of her by telling her my grandfather was one of the pioneers who laid the groundwork for the beginnings of her rival company.”

Hope the telemarketer didn’t come away with a headache.

Obviously, it was a man: Vallerie Light noticed that a burglary item in the South Bay Daily Breeze’s police log contained a vital clue: “The burglar used the victim’s bathroom and left the toilet seat up.”

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A colleague of mine went into a Pasadena electronics store to buy a device for taping phone conversations during interviews (the practice is ethical as long as you get the interviewee’s permission).

Anyway, a clerk picked one model off the wall and my colleague asked if he was sure that it recorded clearly.

“I can guarantee it,” the clerk said. “This is the very model Linda Tripp used to tape Monica Lewinsky.”

You just can’t beat an endorsement like that.

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