LAUGH LINES

Signing Off: “The show ‘Baywatch’ announced that it is going off the air. . . . After hearing this, Clinton said, ‘This never would have happened if I were still president.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Vocabulary Lessons: “George W. Bush will make his first European trip as president, visiting Prime Minister Tony Blair in London. . . . Hoping to make a good impression . . . Bush has spent the last week trying to learn a few English words.” (Tina Fey)

Tasty Treats: “McDonald’s has just introduced a new taste menu with 40 new items--including a bacon ranch crispy chicken sandwich. . . . They said it’s fried chicken parts, three strips of bacon, ranch dressing and a slice of tomato. . . . Forget the gunman outside the White House. . . . The Secret Service better keep this away from Dick Cheney.” (Leno)

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