Let’s Declare a Blackout on Funereal Wedding Attire

Dear Fashion Police: I attended a church wedding on a hot, sunny afternoon between Christmas and the New Year, and 95% of the women were wearing black. It looked like a funeral. Is this the thing now? If so, how can I differentiate between funeral and wedding attire when planning what to wear for these occasions?

--BLACKOUT

Dear Out: We hear more and more about black being the thing to wear to weddings, and frankly, it disturbs us. The trend started with evening, black-tie weddings where brides often chose black dresses for their bridesmaids. One of the theories behind that was black bridesmaid dresses could be worn again, as opposed to fuchsia bridesmaid dresses, which aren’t terribly versatile.

Then female guests started thinking, “Well, if the bridesmaids can wear black, so can I!” That evidently has segued into: “If I can wear it for an evening wedding, why not an afternoon wedding?”

We love black dresses as much as the next woman, but we have never been fans of black at weddings, even for the most sophisticated bridesmaid gowns. Call us old-fashioned, but it looks funereal and depressing. While color symbolism has lost much of its significance over the years--white for purity and innocence, black and dark purple for mourning--colors still evoke certain feelings. And black, let’s face it, isn’t exactly uplifting.

A wedding is a happy occasion--that’s why there are flowers and pretty cakes and music and dancing. Can you be festive in a black dress? Of course you can. But why not add to the celebration by wearing a beautiful color? Instead of having your bridesmaids look like Dracula’s daughters walking down the aisle, why not have them in colorful dresses? Deep jewel tones would be a vast improvement. (Besides, we have a sneaking suspicion that even black bridesmaid dresses don’t get worn much after the wedding. Ladies, we’d appreciate your feedback).

Don’t feel you have to give into this unfortunate trend. If enough people ignore it, it might go away.

*

Dear Fashion Police: I can’t seem to find tights to fit me. I am 6 foot 2. None of the department stores carry this size. They have hose, but not tights. Any ideas?

--IN A TIGHTS SPOT

Dear In: We consulted with our tall gal friend, who said these brands of tights do come in tall sizes: Hue, DKNY (her personal favorite) and Nordstrom Classiques Entier Microfiber Tights. These should be available in major department stores (that’s where these were found), so we don’t know if you’re having bad luck or what. We also found tall sizes of Ellen Tracy sheer coverage control top tights ($12) and satin microfiber tights ($13.50) online at Bare Necessities https://(www.barenecessities.com), (877) 728-9272.

*

Dear Fashion Police: Last year I bought a Dooney & Bourke handbag, with which I’ve been delighted. However, I have one burning question: The purse has a long shoulder strap plus a small hand strap on the top of the bag. Is there any graceful way to deal with the long shoulder strap when I’m grasping the small handle? I try to distribute the extra lengths equally, but it still seems kind of goofy looking.

--NOT HANDY

WITH A HANDBAG

Dear Not: We can’t guarantee graceful, but we’ll try to lessen the goofy factor. While holding the small handle with your left hand (we’re assuming you’re right-handed, but if you’re not, reverse this), grasp the long handle with your right hand and pinch it together. Then place the doubled strap down on top of the small handle, folding it, if need be, so nothing is dangling, and grip everything with your left hand. The most important thing is that you don’t ever let the long strap hang down toward the floor. Not only could it catch on something, but it’s also an open invitation to purse snatchers.

From the Fashion Police Blotter: Score one for the big gals. Tommy Hilfiger is producing a line of clothing for women sizes 14 to 22, which will include jeans, chinos, oxford shirts and other pieces just like the misses’ clothes, with that all-American Tommy look. The line should be in stores later this year.

*

Write to Fashion Police, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012, fax to (213) 237-4888, or send e-mail to socalliving@latimes.com.