Energy Crisis Gives California Its Comeuppance

There was a time when our biggest worry living in Southern California was that a football game on local television might be “blacked out.”

Now, our biggest worry living in Southern California is that Southern California might be blacked out.

Who would have ever envisioned that here in the land of spotlights and buzz, we’d be running out of electricity and gas?

The Golden State is having an energy crunch. We’re on the verge of transforming from pampered Californians into primitive cave people.

Utility companies are threatened with bankruptcy. Pacific Gas & Electric is faced with the possibility of becoming Pacific Match & Candle.

And our governor, ol’ Gray Day himself, Gray Davis, is giving us a gloomier outlook than a TV weatherman from Buffalo.

Don’t be surprised if, in the 21st century, 20th Century Fox has to switch off its searchlights. Motion picture theaters might be replaced by nickelodeons. Sunset Boulevard’s last light at night could come from actual sunsets.

Southern Californians could end up spending 2001 living like Tom Hanks on an island, rubbing sticks together to make fire.

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And to think it was only a week or so ago that we really stuck the needle in our snowed-in friends back East, reminding them that it was sunny and 80 degrees here. Oh, everyone said (mainly while watching Rose Parade floats on TV), how lucky you people are to be living there in Southern California!

Yeah, lucky.

It rained so hard here Wednesday night, some of us (ahem) were calling plumbers at 2 in the morning, because water was flowing under our doors and over our living-room carpets and kitchen floors.

Complicating matters further was a fear that at any time, our lights and heat were going to go poof--not because we didn’t pay our bills, but because our electric and gas companies couldn’t pay their bills.

What a voltage development this is. Usually it’s a utility company threatening customers to pay up or else.

Let’s see how they like it.

Ol’ Gray Day, the governor, put it pretty succinctly Wednesday when he said, “It’s very important that utilities not go into bankruptcy, primarily because they know best how to keep the lights on.”

Good thinking. Because frankly, some of us aren’t fully prepared to get dressed in the dark and cook dinner over a Duraflame log. We enjoy life’s little luxuries, like lightbulbs and washing in warm water. We’re funny that way.

Here’s where we stood Thursday:

* PG&E; was running out of G. The largest utility in California, it warned the governor that supplies of natural gas were running dangerously low.

PG&E;’s CEO said something better be done PDQ. Gordon R. Smith issued a May Day warning to ol’ Gray Day, urging him in a letter to act fast before a gas shortage exists that “will threaten the health and safety of millions of Californians.”

* The governor himself was just back from Washington, where he raged against the dying of the light and addressed concerns that California’s energy crisis could send the entire state reeling into an economic recession.

Davis said he hoped “to provide reliable, affordably priced power” for Californians, sounding like some guy on TV after midnight, selling used cars. (“Hi, I’m Gray Davis, and have I got reliable, affordably priced power for you!”)

* Meanwhile, the mayor of Los Angeles, Dick Riordan, bristled because he said PG&E; and others owe his city $130 million, due next week, and he’s concerned that he’ll get back zip.

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Southern California Edison, our second-leading utility, is faring poorly too. It and PG&E; are shouldering a debt load of around $11 billion, as Thomas Edison spins in his grave, 70 years beyond his death.

Some of the generators of Hoover Dam, which affects power in Nevada and Arizona, are operated by Southern California Edison. So if any tourists happen to see the dam break soon, it’s because the whole dam company’s broke.

Up until now, most of us have taken gas and electricity for granted, the way we do air. Any time you want some, you’ve got some.

Not anymore.

Hate California, it’s cold and it’s damp.

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Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to: Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012. E-mail: mike.downey@latimes.com