LAUGH LINES

Shopping Spree: “Bill and Hillary Clinton shopped for furniture at Embassy Antiques in Federick, Md. The president picked out a 19th century French secretary he liked. Hillary won’t let him date anyone younger than she is.” (Argus Hamilton)

On the Move: “After eight years in the White House and the Governor’s Mansion in Arkansas, the Clintons don’t really own any furniture. In fact, Bill said that the only thing he is going to bring with him from the White House [is] his lucky desk.” (Jay Leno)

Wheelin’ ‘n’ Dealin’: “A bunch of cars owned by celebrities like Rod Stewart and the late Howard Hughes will be up for bid at . . . an auction later this month in Arizona. According to organizers, actress Halle Berry has contributed one of her cars, but some assembly is required.” (Ira Lawson)

Turning Up the Heat: “The heat is beginning to build around the upcoming Fox reality show ‘Temptation Island.’ It’s about four committed couples sent to an island to be tempted by 26 eligible singles. It makes ‘Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?’ look like a Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan movie.” (Daily Scoop)

Teen Model: “George W. Bush doesn’t like policy, doesn’t like to read, likes to party and loves to play video golf games. Gee, he’s proof positive that every teenager today can grow up to be president.” (Paul Steinberg)

Attention, Please: “It’s been reported that of all the foreign leaders that the Pope has met with, the only one who wasn’t paying attention was Bill Clinton. . . . The White House denied it. They said, ‘No, [Clinton] paid attention to at least nine of the Ten Commandments.’ ” (Leno)

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