LAUGH LINES

Reunion Tour: “The Jackson Five announced they are going to record a new album this year, and they’re going out on tour. They’re not calling themselves the Jackson Five. They’re going to be called Michael Jackson and Four Guys Who Really Need the Money.” (Jay Leno)

Bundle of Joy: “Calista Flockhart revealed that she has adopted a baby boy. The boy is just like his mother--cute, happy and unable to eat solid food.” (Daily Scoop)

Mating Season: “The Giant Panda Exhibit opened at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. . . . The pandas are supposed to mate, so tourists never know what they will get to see. It’s the same thrill they get on the White House tour.” (Argus Hamilton)

Moving On: “Bill and Hillary have bought a mansion in Washington, D.C. . . . In fact, it’s so big they’ve hired a butler and maid. . . . I believe their names are Al and Tipper.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Doggy Treats: “A company has just come out with a new kind of dog biscuit that will get rid of your dog’s bad breath. . . . You think that works? . . . I mean, once your dog washes it down by drinking out of the toilet, you’re back to square one.” (Leno)

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