In the Dark About What Shades to Wear for a Funeral
Dear Fashion Police: Now that you’ve discussed not wearing black at weddings, I need advice on whether it’s appropriate not to wear black to funerals. Years ago when I had gained weight and didn’t have a fitting wardrobe, I had to wear my only option to a funeral--a light green dress. Although I felt self-conscious, no one appeared to notice except a cousin, who reminded me that “this isn’t a birthday party.”
These days I’m seeing all kinds of dress at funerals: shades of medium to dark gray, blue and brown. I’ve also seen people wearing bright colors and pastels in summer. At a funeral in September I noticed two women wearing wide-brimmed white hats to coordinate with their outfits, which were trimmed with white. I am not at all offended by this nonblack apparel (even when the funeral is for a close relative) but would appreciate having your views.
--SHOULD I OR SHOULDN’T I?
Dear Should: One does not have to wear black to a funeral, but it’s generally accepted in our culture that dark, somber colors are preferred. (In parts of Asia, white is the color of mourning.) After all, most funerals are not festive, laugh-a-minute affairs, and how you dress is supposed to reflect the pain and grief you are experiencing as well as the gravity (no pun intended) of the situation. So anything from eggplant to navy, forest green, chocolate or deep burgundy are acceptable.
We, too, have been to funerals where guests wore bright or pastel colors, and no one made a fuss. However, that doesn’t mean people weren’t thinking nasty thoughts about those who came dressed for a day in the park, and we don’t recommend doing it. Clothing is not just a reflection of personal style. It’s also a way to show respect for our fellow human beings and that we understand the meaning and importance of certain social situations.
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From the Fashion Police Blotter: While we’re on the subject . . . several readers commented on that letter a few weeks ago regarding wearing black to weddings, in which we also asked for feedback on whether bridesmaids had ever worn their black dresses again. We thought we’d share some of the highlights:
* “I was guilty recently of wearing black [to a wedding]. I am an older lady from the old school who normally would never wear black or white to a wedding. I called the groom’s mother (a good friend) and asked if she would be offended if I wore a black suit. She said of course not, and in fact her sister-in-law had asked the same question. I looked nice, but when we arrived at the church about 90% of the women were wearing black. Anyone driving by would have concluded that it was a funeral. Keep pushing a ban on black at weddings. I know that I will never wear it again. Also, encourage brides to pick happy colors for the bridesmaids. At this wedding the bridesmaids dressed in pewter gray, and it made the wedding very dreary.”
* “I attended an evening wedding last October, and almost everyone had on black except for the bride, of course. It made that white gown stand out big-time.”
* “You were totally correct when you guessed that bridesmaid dresses, no matter how nice, don’t get worn again. I have been a bridesmaid twice, and both dresses were very pretty. I wore one to a costume party once. The other has never again seen the light of day. Here’s the harsh truth: We don’t live in a formal world, and I certainly don’t live a formal life. I don’t know anyone who does. People don’t even get dressed up for the opera anymore. In the nearly seven years since my wedding, I have attended exactly zero formal events. Besides, if I got invited to a formal event, I would want a new dress.”
* “I agree with your article regarding the inappropriateness of wearing black at weddings. I hope someone can lead a movement to restore beauty and elegance to this special occasion. Thanks for your strong commentary.”
* “I, too, dislike the growing custom of wearing black at weddings. My daughter was in a wedding recently where the bridesmaids wore a shade of green so dark it appeared to be black. Also, the mother of the bride wore black. I thought it all seemed so somber. I feel that a lovely black dress can look very dressy and classy, but I agree that weddings and occasions such as that should be filled with lovely colors, or white.”
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Write to Fashion Police, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles CA 90012, fax to (213) 237-4888, or send e-mail to socalliving@latimes.com.
