One Way to Get Closer to Heaven: Helicopters

As a former altar boy who quit just when I was getting good at it, guilt is my partner. So I suffered over the many darts tossed my way after a column about the new cathedral on the mount at Temple and Grand in downtown Los Angeles.

If you missed it, I walked from skid row to the new cathedral with a member of the Los Angeles Catholic Worker, whose disciples argue the $163-million project is a scandalous corruption of the mission of Jesus.

On the contrary, fumed my critics. One reader, a priest, said the cathedral will ring a bell for those in need, and suggested I’d succumbed to shortsightedness and narrow-mindedness.

So call me a sinner, but I’m in good company, judging by a story the other day about Mexican President Vicente Fox.

Fox’s problem is that, although he’s a devout Catholic, Cardinal Norberto Rivera Carrera has declared his recent marriage to Martha Sahagun “invalid.”

Fox and Sahagun were each married before, and since those marriages were never annulled, they couldn’t take their vows in the church. So they were wed elsewhere, which is a big no-no.

Theirs could be a love like no other, and it wouldn’t matter. They could have nightly conversations with the angels in heaven, and it wouldn’t matter.

Talk about narrow-mindedness.

In the eyes of the church, they are living in sin. This means they can attend Mass but can’t receive Holy Communion, which would be so grave a sin they might immediately combust.

In Mexico, where 89% of the populace is Catholic, this is a personal and political nightmare for Fox. And the question is, who can he turn to?

In years past, there was one supreme authority in Catholicism when it came to annulments, and it would be nice if Fox could get hold of him now.

But Frank Sinatra is dead.

So who else can help? It came to me one day at lunch. In an apparition, I saw the face of Dick Riordan on a tortilla.

Do you remember the 1993 mayoral inauguration?

At the time, Riordan was building a holy trinity of sorts. He was:

1--Divorced from his first wife of 23 years, a marriage that was annulled during the time that Riordan helped raise millions of dollars for the church.

2--Separated from his second wife.

3--Sharing the company of the woman who is now his third wife.

And yet he was able to receive Holy Communion from his good friend, Cardinal Roger M. Mahony.

Even some Catholics raised a stink, and skeptics scoffed that Riordan was trying to buy his way into heaven. The speculation might have been fueled by the fact that, in 1989, Riordan led a group that bought a $400,000 helicopter for Mahony--call it Church Chopper 1--so he wouldn’t have to sit in traffic.

There it is, I thought. Fox ought to buy Mahony a helicopter, or maybe a private jet. The church has always claimed, in the face of criticism over annulments for the likes of Sinatra and Ted Kennedy, that money and clout won’t buy you an annulment. But they can’t hurt, can they?

I put in a call to Riordan, a member of the elite Knights of Malta Catholic fraternity, but he didn’t ring me back. Maybe it’s a touchy subject with him, because when Riordan married for the third time in a nonchurch ceremony in 1998, Mahony issued a statement that began:

“I am saddened by their decision to wed civilly.”

Well then, why not annul the second marriage, if he hasn’t already? Maybe another helicopter could be arranged. Otherwise, if Riordan decides to run for governor and gets elected, he’ll be the state’s highest-ranking sinner. What kind of example would that be for the children of California?

The archdiocese said through a spokesman that it will not discuss Riordan’s personal situation. It also said it can’t help Vicente Fox.

Now look. The church is certainly entitled to do business as it pleases. But why drive away people like Vicente Fox who, but for frailty common to many of us, seems to be a decent enough soul?

I called my friend the monk, who has been secretly advising me on the cathedral and matters spiritual.

“I love the church, but I’m very clear-eyed about what it is, and loving something means being honest about it,” he said. “Some people want to live good, Catholic lives, but they can’t because the church won’t let them.”

As for annulments, he says:

“We’re forcing people to lie” in order to satisfy canon law regarding what makes marriages invalid. “We’re forcing them into hypocrisy.”

My friend says that for Fox, as a head of state, only the Vatican can grant an annulment.

“But he could seek favors from supporters, and Cardinals certainly have influence in Rome.”

Church Chopper 2 is definitely the way to go.

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Steve Lopez can be reached at steve.lopez@latimes.com