Entering the Valley of the Howls

Picture this: Burly, bearded, bushy-haired Bruce Vilanch, reciting the lines made famous by the late Sharon Tate in the 1967 movie version of “Valley of the Dolls”:

“Yes, Mother, I’m doing my bust exercises. Yes, Mother, I know I have no talent.”

Just the thought of it makes us laugh out loud. To actually see it is to lose all control. Vilanch, best known as a comedy writer for the Academy Awards and for his regular appearances on “Hollywood Squares,” was pure camp in his role as Jennifer North at a reading last week of Jacqueline Susann’s classic tale of pharmaceutically fueled Hollywood ambition.

It’s the camp factor that director Richard Hochberg and actor/producer Steven Tyler hope will sell tickets to performances Thursday and Friday at L.A.’s Renberg Theater to benefit the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund. (The nonprofit organization seeks to elect openly gay politicians to public office.)

“It’s going to be very elegant, as if we’re reading a very important piece,” Hochberg said. “But there will be lots of pills and booze onstage.” (All props, of course.) “We did a reading at my house and we could barely get through it, we were laughing so hard.”

Also appearing in the production are Greg Louganis, Julie Cypher, Sharon Lawrence, Chad Allen, Ian Abercrombie, Wilson Cruz and Alec Mapa. Joely Fisher narrates.

Tori! Tori! Tori!

Ever wonder what it’s like to be Tori Spelling? No? Then move on to the next item. But those who are fascinated by the actress’ sometimes misguided fashion sense and mood hair can get up close and personal with the “Scary Movie 2” star. InStyle magazine gave Spelling a cell phone and rang her at random for a week. The results of this nonscientific study are in the August issue, now on newsstands. From what we read, being totally Tori isn’t half bad.

On a recent Monday, Spelling returned a dress, shopped for black platform shoes and went roller skating with a friend at Venice Beach. “It’s not like I’m doing it for exercise, but I am a pretty damn good skater,” Spelling said. On Tuesday, there was cooking class--a good thing, she said, because “my cakes always fall.”

Spelling hit the dog park on Wednesday with her pug, Mimi. “I’ve got her purple harness and purple leash because that’s her favorite color,” she said. She met up with a trainer Thursday to run the 4th Street steps in Santa Monica. “We just gossip the whole time about boys and stuff.” Then, it was off to her parents’ Holmby Hills mansion for sushi.

On Friday, Spelling had “a personal care day.” She visited the dentist and the hair salon. “I usually come in with some idea to change my hair color,” she said, but her stylist almost always warns: “Your hair will fall out if you do that.”

Spelling spent Saturday helping a friend buy a new shirt for a date that night. On Sunday, Mimi the pug had jealousy issues when Spelling played dog-sitter for Kathleen Robertson, her TV and movie co-star. Mimi was banished to the balcony for a timeout but, Spelling said, “I don’t think she gets it.”

Her days were filled with friends, family, dogs, shopping and personal grooming. No road rage, bad coffee, pushy publicists or office politics. An ordinary week in a charmed life.

She Scores

As future Hall of Famer Luc Robitaille is lured away from the L.A. Kings by a $9-million deal with the Detroit Red Wings, wife Stacia is breaking out as a pop singer.

“Get Sexy,” the first single from Stacia’s debut album “Hush,” has been getting decent airplay. Stacia, a former model, said that her hockey star husband of nine years has been “obsessed” with the music business and is thrilled about her new career. “We were driving in Colorado from our summer house yesterday and my song played on the radio,” she told us on Monday. “It was pretty cool!”

Luc had a cameo in Stacia’s first music video. Alas, the NHL star’s tiny role--a guy at a bar--wound up on the cutting room floor.

Time of Her Life

Actress Jennifer Grey, who played Baby in the film “Dirty Dancing” and is expecting one in December, was married over the weekend to actor Clark Gregg in Martha’s Vineyard. The nups had a clambake theme and guests included Michael J. Fox and wife Tracy Pollan, William H. Macy and wife Felicity Huffman, and, of course, father of the bride Joel Grey, according to People magazine’s Web site. The ceremony was performed by the groom’s dad, Robert Gregg, an Episcopal minister who teaches at Stanford.

Sightings

Britney Spears, buying a Nomination charm bracelet at Fred Segal in Santa Monica .... Kevin Spacey making a beeline for actor Frederic Forrest at the screening of “Apocalypse Now Redux” at L’Ermitage in Beverly Hills; at the same screening “Requiem for a Dream” director Darren Aronofsky was seen chatting up Wes Craven .... Ellen DeGeneres, interviewing passersby at CityWalk for promos for her new CBS show .... Sugar Ray Leonard and Elliott Gould, dining at separate tables at Locanda del Lago in Santa Monica .... Michael Jackson, taking in the sights with an entourage of kids during a VIP tour of Universal Studios.

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Times staff writers Gina Piccalo and Louise Roug contributed to this column. City of Angles runs Tuesday-Friday. E-mail: Angles@latimes.com.