Think Blue Week Contest Tries Colorful Approach

I’m hoping for the best. I know most sports fans in L.A. have been distracted by the Lakers so that should cut down on the number of entries, and I waited for Tuesday Internet deadline to pass before going public with my desire to live out a baseball fantasy and enter the Dodgers’ 15th Annual Think Blue Week contest.

There are 16 categories, and contestants may pick only one for a chance to get really close to the Dodgers, which has always been my fantasy.

Well, 15 categories. I probably don’t qualify to “Watch Dodger Batting Practice From The Field With Steve Garvey,” because I believe the two winners, who will have the chance to get real close to Garvey, have to be women.

NOW IF you’re talking about living out a baseball fantasy I would think Alex Cora would enter the contest asking to go two games in a row without making an error, but as I understand it, the rules do not allow Dodger employees to participate.

The difficult part, of course, was picking which category to enter. I wanted to feel what it would be like to be Dodger Manager for a Day, working in a tight game, making the decision to yank Kevin Brown and then sending Times sports editor Bill Dwyre, my Dodger Pitching Coach for a Day, to the mound to try to take the ball away from Brown.

I was told, however, this category is not available. Apparently it has something to do with a Think Blue Week a couple of years ago when they had a category for Dodger General Manager for a Day and some guy named Kevin Malone won, and then just wouldn’t leave.

If I wanted to enter this year’s contest, the Dodgers said, I would have to do so from the following list:

1. Meet Your Favorite Dodger: So many to pick from--how do I just pick one? Chris Donnels, Jeff Reboulet, Tim Bogar, Hiram Bocachica . . .

2. Little League Team: The Little League youngsters that are selected in this category will be asked to show Tom Goodwin how to bunt.

3. Softball Team: The winners will get replicas of Dodger uniforms and play a slow-pitch game. This will allow Gregg Olson and Jesse Orosco the chance to play.

4. Umpire: There will be two winners selected, and they will work the softball game. I hope he entered the contest, because right now this is probably Eric Gagne’s best chance of getting back to Dodger Stadium.

5. Batting Practice With Ron Cey: I would suggest reading the fine print before entering this category. Cey is now the L.A. representative in a new enterprise that allows fans to call and talk to him for only $4.95 a minute--making it the biggest rip-off in sports history. If he tells you to “take two and go to right,” I’m telling you, he’s going to bill you.

6. Grounds Crew Member: It might be tough to find a winner for this one because it requires a Dodger fan not to leave before the end of the fifth inning when he will be required to drag the infield.

7. Ultimate Dodger Family: The winning family will sit on all four levels at the Stadium, a wonderful gift for the family that can’t stand one another or has a future son-in-law who insists on tagging along.

8. Public Address Announcer: I believe my wife has trained for this all her life--talking loudly and having no one listen to her.

9. Photographer: You will be in position to get a picture of an angry Chad Kreuter taking a bat and trying to hit the dugout wall after striking out. My guess--he swings and misses that too.

10. National Anthem Solo: Once you win, there is nothing stopping you from breaking out in “My Funny Valentine.” Ross Porter would not only know the words, but how many times it has been sung on a Wednesday night in the Pacific time zone.

11. Marriage Proposal at Dodger Stadium: If Anna Kournikova is available, I’d start working on being free.

12. Bat Boy or Bat Girl: I think every parent would like the chance to have his/her youngster feel what it’s like to be sprayed with tobacco spittle.

13. Sportswriter: Your first assignment will be to ask Jim Gott what else he does besides ask the Coke trivia question every night.

14. Kids Take The Field: Youngsters will run on the field to retrieve autographed baseballs from their role models. The Dodgers have agreed to bench Gary Sheffield that night.

15. Truest Of The Blue: You not only get to toss out the first pitch, you become the team’s fifth starter.

16. A Date With The Garv: No thanks.

THE ASSOCIATED Press moved a story saying that “Philadelphia 76ers President Pat Croce will climb the Walt Whitman Bridge on Wednesday,” and I stopped--and I have to admit I felt really uneasy about it coming to this.

Fortunately, I read on: “To help hang a banner that says, “Go Sixers, Beat L.A.”

I would think if you were going to be climbing 397 feet above the Delaware River to hang a 5-by-70-foot banner, you’d want to come up with something a little more clever. But I’m sure he knows his audience.

YOU HAD to figure once the Rally Monkey became ineffective, Disney would consider disbanding the Angels.

THERE ARE reports now that Allen Iverson’s improving image could lead to endorsements. I know I’d find him terribly convincing if he endorsed get-away vacations from Philadelphia.

THE NFL announced it will move its playoff games from the traditional early-morning and afternoon time slots to prime time on Saturdays this year.

This obviously will have no impact on the Chargers.

TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Nate:

“There’s no doubt you’re a brain-dead hack, but you’re OUR brain-dead hack.”

I’m touched.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com