LAUGH LINES

Proud Parents: “Chelsea Clinton graduated from Stanford recently with a history degree. Her parents were there for graduation ceremonies. In honor of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s presence in the audience, the orchestra played ‘Pomp and Circumstantial Evidence.’ ” (Argus Hamilton)

Big Spenders: “According to the N.Y. Post, some high school seniors at Manhattan’s private schools will be spending close to $7,000 to go to the prom. And that’s just for a decent-looking escort.” (Conan O’Brien)

Put It Out: “Mayor Giuliani has outlawed smoking in [N.Y. City] parks. Nice to know you won’t be troubled by secondhand smoke while you’re being murdered.” (David Letterman)

Tight Spot: “You’ve got to feel sorry for Bush. What can he say to his kids? He can’t tell them, ‘Look, you spend your entire college career partying and drinking, and you’ll never amount to anything.’ He can’t say that!” (Jay Leno)

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