LAUGH LINES

Sleep Tight: “Hilton hotels have a new promotion where they let guests keep the pillow. If you check in and you stay overnight, they encourage you to take the pillow with you if you like. I guess they figured if you stuff a pillow in your suitcase, you won’t have room for towels and bathrobes.” (Jay Leno)

Self-Service: “You go into Kmart and they no longer have the checkout person. They have a self-scanner. Instead of a man or a woman ringing you up, you do it all yourself. You ring up your own purchase, then you pay for it and leave. Leave it to Kmart to find a way to get out of paying undocumented workers minimum wage.” (David Letterman)

Mature Audiences Only: “ ‘The West Wing’ was voted America’s most popular TV drama. The show carries a mature-audience rating. After the last eight years, Americans expect nothing less than adult language and partial nudity from their president.” (Argus Hamilton)

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