A Liberal Dose of Conventional Wisdom

The state Democratic Party is planning to hold its convention later this month in Orange County.

To repeat: the Democratic Party--the one with the donkeys and Bill Clinton--will hold a convention in historically conservative Orange County.

To say it will be the party’s first-ever convention here is to state the obvious. Until very recently, children born to Democratic parents in Orange County were gathered up by law enforcement and transported either to Los Angeles or the Bay Area. Furthermore, innkeepers in the county were not allowed to rent rooms or banquet facilities to groups of three or more Democrats.

That’s all changed. The Berlin Wall came down, and so has the Orange Curtain. For many Northern California Democrats, coming to Orange County will have all the groundbreaking importance of travel to China. It’ll be something they can tell their grandchildren about.

Here’s a convention agenda that, if followed, would serve the delegates well when they hit Anaheim for the historic first day on March 30:

7 a.m.: Get bearings. Do deep-breathing exercises.

7:15 a.m.: Meet in hotel lobby and talk to other Democrats [insist on seeing their identification!] to build up feelings of security and belonging.

8:15 a.m.: Group hug (optional).

8:30 a.m.: Meet in Banquet Room C for short film, “What to Do if Stopped by Law Enforcement.” Discussion to follow. This will be a refresher on your rights as a Democrat in Orange County. Simple rule of thumb: They are the same as for any other citizen. However, that may not be enough. Accordingly, a roster will be provided of local attorneys willing to represent you if you are arrested. Don’t be offended if they insist on anonymity.

10 a.m.: First venture into Orange County proper. In groups of six, delegates will walk around block on which hotel is located. This is strictly an orientation walk. Stay with your group. Everyone else you see on the street will be a Republican or an independent. Do not engage them, nor respond to their taunts.

10:20 a.m. (approximate): Back in hotel. Debriefing. Delegates are encouraged to share their feelings about the walk. Another group hug (optional).

10:30 a.m.: Return to Banquet Room C for slide presentation, “Influential Orange County Democrats in Modern Times.”

10:31 a.m.: Delegates return to pre-assigned rooms for study sessions on this year’s hot political topics. Choose one topic and go to that room. Note: Session titled “Electricity, What Is It and Where Does It Come From?” already is overbooked.

Noon: Break for lunch. Almost all eateries in area are “safe” for Democrats. However, it is recommended you travel in groups of four or more and do not over-tip, as that may identify you as liberal and lead to unpleasant confrontation.

2 p.m.: The first serious business of the convention. We’ll be showing a film designed to acquaint all of us with Gov. Gray Davis’ likely opposition in his 2002 reelection run. The film: “Terminator II: Judgment Day.” Running time is 136 minutes. Attendance is mandatory.

4:30 p.m.: Auction of Al Checchi memorabilia. Proceeds to charity.

5 p.m.: Happy hour. In response to complaints in past years regarding inadequate food supplies, delegates are encouraged to “box up” any leftovers from lunch and add them to buffet table. Be sure to tip your servers (remember, they’re union).

6 p.m.: Surprise guest. You won’t want to miss this. Our guest is a former Democratic office holder who’ll be familiar to all of you. He loves California (especially Hollywood) and is looking forward to shaking hands with all of you. Do not be surprised if he asks you for money. He’s also indicated that, if encouraged, he’d be willing to make brief remarks.

9 p.m.: Free time. Those interested in some nocturnal leafleting of north Orange County should congregate at the front desk. Camouflage gear will be provided.

11 p.m.: Back to hotel mezzanine level for good-nights and group hug (mandatory).

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821; by writing to him at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626; or by e-mail at dana.parsons@latimes.com.