LAUGH LINES

Oh, Pooh!: “Walt Disney Studios has offered $450 million for the rights to ‘Winnie the Pooh.’ . . . The last time anybody in Hollywood paid that much for poo was when NBC bought XFL football.” (Jay Leno)

On the Wanted List: “The FBI reveals that there was a plot to kidnap ‘Gladiator’ star Russell Crowe. . . . Initially, the kidnappers were going to snatch Steven Seagal--but they soon figured out that nobody would want him back.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Warning: Keep Out: “Members of a religious sect in Afghanistan are continuing to smash statues all over that country. . . . It’s gotten so bad that advisors to Al Gore have advised him to cancel his trip there out of fear that he’ll be mistaken for [a statue.]” (Ira Lawson)

Saving Up: “Bill Clinton spoke to the Asian American Hotel Owners Assn. convention in Atlantic City . . . for $100,000. He’s trying hard to save up enough money so that someday Hillary will pardon him.” (Argus Hamilton)

What’s in a Name: “Hillary Rodham Clinton is now kind of facing a personal dilemma. She can’t decide whether to drop the name Clinton . . . or the name Rodham. She can’t figure out which one is more embarrassing at this point.” (Leno)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.