LAUGH LINES

Short on Audience Appeal: “Bad news for XFL football. How many people are watching this thing? XFL got the lowest ratings in the history of prime-time television recently. Did you see those empty seats during the game? . . . I have seen more people at a Roger Clinton concert.” (Jay Leno)

Of Delicate Nature: “Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a second time recently. Jackson appeared on stage but didn’t perform, [citing] a broken foot. . . . Actually, he’s all but given up on performing these days. But it’s not because of the foot. . . . If he makes any sudden movements, another piece of his face could fall off.” (Ira Lawson)

So She Says: “Hillary Rodham Clinton was listed as the U.S. senator with the most expensive office. . . . She says there’s nothing improper. And if you can’t take Hillary Clinton’s word on a real estate deal, then who can you trust?” (Argus Hamilton)

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