L.A. Split Would Yield Valimony

“I read in The Times that the San Fernando Valley, should it become a separate city, would have to pay $68 million or more annually to the remaining part of Los Angeles,” writes Neil G. Cuadra of West L.A.

“I have coined a suitable word for these funds: Valimony.”

Maybe the Valley needs to hire a new divorce attorney. Is Marvin Mitchelson available?

ANOTHER REGIONAL SEPARATION: “I spend lots of weekends in the San Jacinto Mountains in Idyllwild--truly a paradise,” writes Pete Kohl of Hemet. “I noticed a sign in the little post office there (see accompanying). It’s the locals versus the rest of the world, obviously!”

SUCH A DEAL: Attention, shoppers, today’s specials (see accompanying) include:

* A Boston boat that, in the words of Anita Cox of Rolling Hills Estates, “can put out its own distress call.”

* A Sea Do Challenger boat whose owner is willing to let it go for six times as much as he paid for it (submitted by Sal Pinotti of Newhall). And, no, I’m not sure what a “divorced” sale is.

* Some household items, including a loud set of furniture, as well as some unidentified parched items, which Rosemary Osburn of San Juan Capistrano suspects may be raisins.

SPEAKING OF SAN JUAN: Jay Fromyla of L.A. (as his name would indicate) writes that on a recent trip to San Diego “the Amtrak conductor, and resident ornithologist, announced:

“Next stop . . . San Juan Cappuccino. San Juan Cappuccino . . . only a couple of swallows away.”

ANNALS OF STRANGE CRIMES: The Los Alamitos News-Enterprise’s police log reported that, in Seal Beach, a “man with crutches was arrested after putting a golf club down his pants.”

OSCAR REFLECTIONS: For those who say the Academy Awards ceremony serves no purpose, my colleague David Colker observed: “Oscar time is perfect for going to the emergency room. During the broadcast, my friend Charlie was hit by an awful sinus headache attack. We headed for Kaiser Permanente in Hollywood, and were in and out of there in 15 minutes! No line at all.”

A REAL SENIOR MOMENT: Well, there’s no use keeping it a secret: I turn 55 this weekend, a senior citizen by some standards. By chance, Phil Proctor sent along a list of games that would be appropriate for my celebration:

1. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

2. Sag, You’re It!

3. 20 Questions Shouted Into Your Good Ear

4. Kick the Bucket

5. Doctor Goose

6. Simon Says Something Incoherent

7. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta

8. Musical Recliners

miscelLAny:

Perusing a Jet Propulsion Laboratory newsletter, Dennis Byrnes thought it fitting that a lecture on “DS-1 Application of Lightweight Formal Methods” would be delivered by Dr. Martin S. Feather.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.