The Mother of All Surprises, but Give Her the Receipt for Possible Exchange

Oh, son, it’s just what I wanted: One Huntington Beach surgical center is advertising a “Mother’s Day Special . . . Limited time offer! Breast augmentation, $3,500.”

Car culture survey: On today’s drive, we find:

* A T-Bird fit for a college fraternity that likes to see how many people it can stuff into a car. Luckily, the back seat can be cooled (submitted by Jim Crowley of Saugus).

* A dealer whose loan rate would seem to disinterest most possible buyers (George Wakiji of Camarillo).

* A well-behaved car that is garage-broken (Harlan Lassiter of Newport Beach, Penny Lampman, and several other readers).

* And, finally, an ancient traffic sign in Norwalk. Perhaps the city left it up in the hope that it would cut down on speeding (Paul Schowalter of Cypress).

Where there’s smoke: Sally Rosoff of Laguna Woods saw a phone number in her Leisure World newspaper that readers could call to have their smoke alarms checked. The number was slightly off. She reached Barbecues Galore.

The little escalator that couldn’t: When I read that President Bush had said one way to conserve energy would be to turn off escalators during power emergencies, I thought of how L.A. had inadvertently taken the lead in this area years ago.

City Hall workers may recall the case of an escalator that broke down in the City Mall in 1994. Officials studied the problem for several months then finally concluded that it couldn’t be fixed. Bids for a new one were solicited. More months passed, then years.

Finally, Only in L.A. entered the picture. Throwing my weight around shamelessly, this columnist phoned the General Services Department in January 1997 and asked just when the new one would be installed. An official, sounding worried, asked me to give him three months.

And, proof of the power of this column, the escalator was up and running--18 months later.

Stupid driver tricks: “On Burton Way, I saw a driver who was clearly heeding the advice of safety experts not to drive while using his cell phone,” said Norman Sklarewitz of West Hollywood. “As recommended, he stopped his car while he dialed up a number. Trouble is, he stopped in the traffic lane.”

Luckily, he didn’t emerge neckless.

miscelLAny: Today’s “Duh!” award goes to Wrigley’s Eclipse sugar-free gum, whose package warns: “Not a low-calorie food.”