LAUGH LINES

Age Gap: “According to the New York Post, Hugh Hefner has a new girlfriend. She’s only 17! . . . How creepy is that? . . . I guess he’s on Viagra and she’s on Flintstones vitamins.” (Jay Leno)

Brains and Beauty: “People magazine named Laura Bush as one of the 50 most beautiful people and President Bush is quoted as saying he already knew that. . . . The President’s exact quote was: ‘I don’t need People magazine to tell me what’s going on. I need Dick Cheney to tell me what’s going on.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Drink It Up: “A recent study by the World Wildlife Fund reveals that bottled water is not any safer--or healthier--than tap water, just more expensive. This announcement has triggered residents of Beverly Hills to go out and buy thousands of bottles of tap water.” (Jimmy Fallon)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.