Our Hats Are Off to Kurward Derby and His Famous Blond Bed Breakers

Broadcast bloopers (cont.): A reader called to say that Durward Kirby, the late co-host of TV’s “Candid Camera,” once mispronounced his own name on the air.

It could have happened, but the reader may be thinking of the spoof on TV’s “Rocky and Bullwinkle” cartoon show about the search for the “Kurward Derby,” a hat that would transform the wearer into the smartest man in the world.

Kirby did, however, once confess to a different kind of blunder. Introducing a new sponsor, the Bond Break Bakers, he instead exclaimed into the microphone, “The Blond Bed Breakers are on the air.”

Kirby later said: “It’s taken me a long time to live that one down.”

Fashion risk? Mike Ascolese’s column in Star News, an L.A. Sheriff’s Department publication, was accompanied by a booking photo of a burglary suspect in a sweatshirt that says, “INTELLIGENT HOODLUM.”

Ascolese writes that the suspect “did not know whose sweatshirt it was or where he got it from.”

Nor did it appear he had taken notice of the words (Intelligent Hoodlum is the name of a rap group).

I was reminded of the two fellows in Lennox who attempted to buy cocaine from a sheriff’s deputy whose jacket said “Sheriff” and whose cap bore the word “Narcotics” and the letters “LASD.”

Obviously those two weren’t wearing their Kurward Derbies that day.

Such a deal: Today’s shopping guide contains these debatable bargains (see accompanying).

* A half-million-dollar house that the owner is perfectly willing to sell for four times that amount (submitted by Diana Steshko of El Toro).

* A boat that is free--if certain conditions are met.

And, finally:

* A fellow who is either offering a weird trade or has a macabre sense of humor.

Oh, say can you sing? Performing the national anthem at the Indianapolis 500, Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler revved up some criticism by ending with the phrase “home of the Indianapolis 500” instead of “home of the brave.”

Of course, he didn’t raise as much of a furor as the 1990 rendition by Roseanne, who screeched out the words, then parodied baseball players by grabbing her crotch.

Some other offbeat performances of the national anthem:

* The group Hanson had just sung “o’er the land of the free,” at a World Cup soccer match at the Rose Bowl when a group of noisy jets flew overhead. Evidently distracted, the group never intoned, “And the home of the brave” (1999).

* Little Richard howled “and the rocket’s red flame,” and other original lyrics before an L.A. Kings game (1989).

* Willie Nelson forgot “rocket’s red glare” and other words at the Democratic National Convention (1980).

* Ex-crooner Frank Sinatra, fighting hoarseness, became a growler--his “o’er the land of the free” was enough to scare small children--before a Dodger opener (1977).

* Robert Goulet started OK with “Oh, say can you see,” then forgot what followed at the Muhammad Ali-Sonny Liston championship fight (1965). He hummed most of the anthem.

miscelLAny: In Yosemite, Fred Beck of Laguna Niguel noticed that the Ahwahnee Hotel’s newsletter warned that “bear break-ins” of automobiles are a serious problem. “While your car is parked, please take the following steps to protect it,” the newsletter said.

“1. Remove all food and food-related items. . . .

2. Make sure your Ahwahnee parking permit is displayed on your dashboard at all times.”

Beck said he did so and, sure enough, the bears showed great respect for the Ahwahnee parking permit, keeping their paws to themselves.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.