Jail Kitchen May Make Serving Time a Highlight of Time Served

This is an exciting time to be in custody at the James A. Musick Branch Jail in Irvine, maybe the best since they put in new bunk beds about 15 years ago. The reason for the good feelings: The Board of Supervisors has authorized $1 million to remodel the jail’s kitchen and dining room.

Next to expanded cable, it’s hard to imagine anything that could make the guys happier as they ponder the mistakes they’ve made in life.

Just think about it. A million bucks for jailhouse dining.

I asked Vinny Nardo, Brooklyn born but who now owns a kitchen-remodeling business in Anaheim, how spending $1 million to rebuild a jail kitchen and dining room struck him.

“As a lot of money,” he says. “Of course, you’d have to find out, ‘Does this include appliances?’ I don’t know. Now if they have twenty, thirty thousand prisoners. . . .”

Actually they have around 1,500, but there’s been talk in recent years about perhaps tripling that.

“I tell you what, then,” Nardo says. “I’ll do it for half that.”

The company that got the bid says the $1 million is for the new building and some large kitchen equipment, notably a walk-in freezer. In other words, the county isn’t paying for a fully loaded kitchen and dining room set.

That’s too bad, because we’d all agree the inmates deserve a quality dining experience.

In other words, the county may have some shopping to do. Surely, it isn’t going to put in a new million-dollar jail kitchen and dining room without some other upgrades.

Home remodeling isn’t my long suit, so I went to some experts--like Nardo at Reborn Cabinets.

How about kitchen counter tops?

“In a place like that, you’d probably put something in that’s laminated, like Formica,” Nardo says, “something that’s sturdy. You got inmates, they don’t care. You’re not going to put cherry cabinets in there. I don’t think so.”

What about the dining room?

“You’re talking about benches,” Nardo says. “What is there to do, really, in a dining room? What you want is something that’s sturdy that’s bolted down, so they don’t pick them up and hit each other with it. I don’t know what they’re going to do about silverware. They’re not going to give them forks and knives. You can’t even give them plastic anymore.”

After talking to Nardo, I visited one of Home Depot’s Expo Design Centers. Depending on how uptown the Sheriff’s Department wants to go, it could drop some major cash in one of those centers.

One especially attractive kitchen grouping offered an oven for $873, refrigerator for $432, faucet for $528 and a “warm drawer” for $331. That’s ballpark $2,000 right there.

If sheriff’s decorators want to splurge a bit--perhaps to keep the inmates mellow--I saw a glass vase-with-flowers set for $89.50. It’s a nice accessory and I’d recommend it to the sheriff.

As for a pewter chandelier going for $945 (special order only) . . . well, that will take some extra thought.

The kitchen cabinets I looked at ranged from $205 to $719 a linear foot and came in with either the basic or premium package. With premium, you get such extras as a sliding towel bar, a cutlery divider, tilt-out trays, and plate rack and spice drawer.

No reason to think the fellas at Musick wouldn’t like that. Let’s think premium.

The choice of wood for the cabinets is critical. Most likely, the inmates will disagree on which way to go. A vote of the inmate population may be the fair way to decide it.

A helpful saleswoman at Expo reminded me that oak has a rugged look, while pine is a bit more rustic. The average inmate may not know that cherry tends to get darker with age and that maple accepts finishes quite well. If, by chance, the guys want more of an Old World look, they might want to go with mahogany.

Nobody said remodeling a jail kitchen and dining room would be easy.

For that reason, this probably isn’t the time to tell the sheriff that as I was leaving the Expo store, I saw this sign: “Now’s the Time to Update Your Bathroom.”

If that day ever comes, the Musick inmates may never want to leave.

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com.