Modesty Prevents This Tow Truck Driver From Revealing His Whereabouts

The police log of the Laguna News-Post reported that “a motorist called police when he observed a tow truck driver driving in the nude. Police were sent to the location, but neither the man nor his tow truck could be found.”

Well, I’ve heard of cars being stripped. . . .

Speaking of bare bones: Bill Hawk of Pasadena noticed what would seem to be a questionable offer, a fixer-upper for a renter (see photo).

Ah, those wacky holiday gift ideas: Sara Meric of Santa Monica confesses she never knew that tracking down pests could be considered a sport (see accompanying).

Heavy jewelry? Laura Drabkin of Studio City came upon an electronics ad that was supposed to say “four-head” VCR (see accompanying). Instead, it described something that would attach to one’s body.

Disorder in the court! I ran out of space the other day and so was granted a continuance for one last item from the book “The Howls of Justice,” a collection of courtroom humor by retired Superior Court Judge Harry T. Shafer and writer Angie Papadakis.

The authors recount the time a judge told attorney Bill Burns that a probation report had “absolutely nothing good to say” about his client.

“Your Honor,” Burns said, “I beg to differ. If you will look at page 2, line 26 of the report, the probation officer did say something good about my client.”

“How? Where?” demanded the judge.

“It says,” Burns replied, “the health of the defendant is excellent.”

You’re driving what? As I mentioned earlier, Neal Rubin of the Detroit News published my list of the dumbest car names of all-time in his column. Rubin had become interested in the issue after Chevrolet paid tribute to a category of natural disaster by christening its latest SUV the Avalanche.

Anyway, he asked his readers for some of their favorite bad names and said it would be OK if I hijacked a few. Here they are (with reader comments):

* Olds Toronado (“the actual translation from Spanish, as far as I can tell, is ‘bull swimming’ ”).

* Chevy Citation (“why didn’t they just call it The Ticket?”).

* AMC Gremlin (“conjured up images of weird Halloween creatures”).

And, finally:

* Rolls-Royce Silver Mist (the name had to be changed in Germany because “mist” turned out to be German for manure).

miscelLAny:

Long Beach, Beverly Hills and other cities have set up cameras at intersections to snap motorists running red lights. This is an exciting new genre, but unfortunately, the photos are mostly in the private collections of the drivers.

I’m inviting the defendants to send the shots of themselves to Only in L.A. If I use yours, I’ll send you a copy of “Retro Rooted,” a CD by the Roto Rooters Good Times Christmas Band, whose selections include a song about a camera-less intersection, “Pico and Sepulveda.”

I would be especially interested in anyone ticketed while driving a Chevy Citation. Or even a swimming bull.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.