RATING THE TV GAMES

* * * * Whoa, Nellie

* * * Order some pizza

* * Channel-surf or hit the beach

* Weeds need pulling

* * No. 25 Louisville (3-0) at Illinois (2-0), 9 a.m., ESPN: Cardinals will earn stamp of legitimacy if they can beat a Big Ten team on the road--and Coach John L. Smith might be the next hot name. LINE: Illinois by 31/2.

* * Oklahoma State (2-1) at Texas A&M; (2-0), 9:30 a.m., FSN: The Big 12 is a big player in the BCS standings. Just not these guys. LINE: Texas A&M; by 101/2.

* * * Michigan State (1-0) at No. 23 Notre Dame (0-1), 11:30 a.m., Channel 4: Quarterback saga emerges for an Irish offense even the South Bend Tribune labeled “dysfunctional” after Nebraska loss. LINE: Notre Dame by 9.

* * * No. 11 Fresno State (3-0) at Tulsa (1-0), 11:30 a.m., FSN2: Judge Fresno State for yourself. Are the Bulldogs really that good? Or just another flash-in-the-WAC?

LINE: Fresno State by 121/2.

* * Arkansas (1-1) at Alabama (1-1), 12:30 p.m., Channel 2: Here are the bad tidings: ‘Bama is still seeking its third touchdown of the season. LINE: Alabama by 10.

* * * * No. 21 Ohio State (1-0) at No. 14 UCLA (2-0), 12:30 p.m., Channel 7: Easily the best game on a thin Saturday. Should the Bruins win, brace yourself: Fresno State will have competition for title of California’s best team. LINE: UCLA by 61/2.

* * * Virginia (1-1) at No. 19 Clemson (2-0), 2:45 p.m., ESPN2: The possibility of seeing a quarterback rush for more than 200 yards is always worth watching. Clemson’s Woodrow Dantzler ran for a stunning 220 against Virginia last season, and passed for another 154. LINE: Clemson by 111/2.

* San Diego State (0-2) at Colorado State (1-1), 4 p.m., Channel 7: San Diego State has given up 61 points in two games. Colorado State has given up 59. Bad defense beats very bad defense every time. LINE: Colorado State by 61/2.

* * * Auburn (2-0) at Syracuse (1-2), 4:45 p.m., ESPN: The Syracuse team that played Auburn in the 1988 Sugar Bowl is expected to gather at the game. At least this game can’t end in a tie. LINE: Syracuse by 21/2.

* No. 5 Texas (2-0) at Houston (0-1), 6 p.m., ESPN2: There’s no reason to watch Cougars get run over by a Mack truck. Hold out for Texas-Oklahoma on Oct. 6. LINE: Texas by 311/2.

* * * USC (1-1) at No. 7 Oregon (2-0), 7:15 p.m., FSN: Here’s a rare chance to see the Trojans and a Heisman Trophy candidate on the same field. But with Oregon favored by only a touchdown, USC can at least dream of an upset. LINE: Oregon by 61/2.