Dating Service Drives Him Wild

Wither the wild cards?

That is the biggest question facing the NFL now that it has decided to resume its 16-game regular season today with its regular referees.

For the last two weeks, the NFL has rearranged its cliches and is taking it one dilemma at a time.

To postpone its Sept. 16 games or not? The NFL dropped back and waited a very long time, but in the end made the right decision--shutting down operations last weekend in deference to the victims of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Next: To play a 15-or 16-game regular season? No contest. Players didn’t want to lose a payday, and half the league’s owners didn’t want to lose one-eighth of their annual gate. A 16-game schedule it is.

But, with no two-week cushion before the Super Bowl this season, the NFL can’t simply play the makeup games on Jan. 6 and move the playoffs back a week. The Super Bowl, set for Jan. 27 in New Orleans, is painted into a corner, boxed in by a National Automobile Dealers Assn. convention scheduled for Jan. 31-Feb. 3 at the Superdome.

Thus, a new problem: What to do about the wild cards?

The easiest plan is to slash away, eliminating four wild cards and shrinking the wild-card field in each conference from three to one. Bring the Super Bowl tournament back to pre-1978 levels: three division winners and one wild card per conference--eight playoff teams in all.

Old-time football!

Jimmy Orr!

If it was good enough for Billy Kilmer and Kenny Stabler, it ought to be good enough for us.

Unfortunately, this is 2001, where money talks and coaches and fans of bubble teams talk louder. The NFL and the networks have tens of millions of dollars riding on those first-round wild-card games. The Denver Broncos, Tennessee Titans, Indianapolis Colts, New Orleans Saints and Green Bay Packers have second place-to-Super Sunday dreams riding on those first-round wild-card games.

So the NFL scrambles and scratches its head, trying to re-jigger January and find some way to keep all six wild cards in the playoff picture. Because who can stand to go on with the postseason if the Seattle Seahawks get left behind?

TOP 10 REASONS WHY THE NFL SHOULD KEEP THE SCHEDULE AS IT IS AND GO WITH ONE WILD-CARD TEAM PER CONFERENCE

1. Let’s put it in Hollywood terms: If the NFL postseason were a movie, the second-and third-seeded wild-card teams would be one-line extras who don’t make it past the opening credits. Cameo walk-ons. Only one second-seeded wild-card team has ever reached the Super Bowl--the 1985 New England Patriots--and we saw what happened there. Chicago 46, New England 10. William “Refrigerator” Perry rushes for one yard and a touchdown, Patriots rush for minus-19 yards.

2. Only four other second-seeded wild-card teams have ever reached a conference championship game: The 1987 Minnesota Vikings, who lost to the Redskins, 17-10; the 1989 Rams, who lost to the 49ers, 31-3; the 1995 Colts, who lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers, 20-16; and the 1996 Jacksonville Jaguars, who lost to the Patriots, 20-6, sending New England off to another embarrassing Super Bowl defeat.

3. No third-seeded wild-card team has ever reached a conference championship game.

4. Since the NFL expanded to three wild cards per conference in 1991, second-and third-seeded wild-card teams are 11-40 in the postseason.

5. Since 1994, the Detroit Lions have reached the playoffs three times as a second-seeded wild card and once as a third-seeded wild card. After years of research and poring over data, pro football historians now agree: This was not a good thing.

6. In 1997, all three NFC wild cards--Tampa Bay, Detroit, Minnesota--came from the same division. Should we really want a playoff system that lets in everybody except the Bears?

7. In 1999, the NFC’s second and third wild cards, Dallas and Detroit, each finished the regular season 8-8, causing many fans to confuse the NFL with the NHL.

8. The Cardinals made the 1998 playoffs as a third wild card, raising expectations impossibly high in Arizona. Jake Plummer, for instance, did not become the next Joe Montana. The Cardinals, for instance, are 9-23 since that playoff appearance.

9. Last season, the second-and third-seeded wild cards were a combined 0-4 in the playoffs.

10. If eliminating the second and third wild cards from the AFC is what it takes to keep the Ravens out of the playoffs, where do we sign up?

TOP THREE REASONS WHY THE NFL IS SCRAMBLING TO FIND A WAY TO KEEP THREE WILD CARDS IN EACH CONFERENCE

1. If the NFL loses the second-and third-seeded wild cards, it will have to pay Fox and CBS $40 million.

2. Or possibly $50 million.

3. Or possibly $60 million.

TOP FIVE PLANS THE NFL IS CONSIDERING AS IT SCRAMBLES TO FIND A WAY TO KEEP THREE WILD CARDS IN EACH CONFERENCE

1. Move those cars. The NFL works a deal with the National Automobile Dealers Assn. and trades Jan. 27 for Feb. 3, thus moving back the Super Bowl a week and enabling the first-round wild-card games to be played. NADA says no can do. The NFL offers to throw in $10 million. NADA says it’s not sure, wants to take that one back to its manager.

2. The road to the final four. The NFL holds both conference championship games on Jan. 27 in a day-night doubleheader at the Superdome, then plays the Super Bowl in another city, possibly Pasadena, the following Sunday. In this scenario, fans would travel from all parts of the country to watch, say, Baltimore-Miami at 1 p.m., followed by Philadelphia-Tampa Bay at 7 p.m. At least the French Quarter would be open afterward.

3. The Shanahan plan. Denver Coach Mike Shanahan has proposed playing the first-round wild-card games on Wednesday, Jan. 9--three days after the last weekend of the regular season--and the divisional round of the playoffs the following Sunday and Monday, Jan. 13-14. This could require some teams to play three games in a span of 10 days.

“If a team is in a wild-card race,” Shanahan says, “ask those fifth-and sixth-seeded teams if they would rather play on a Wednesday or not at all. I think the answer would be yes. Is it a perfect scenario? No, but if you did get that opportunity, wouldn’t you like to come back the next Sunday or Monday night and advance? I think you would.”

Assuming that, by the second round, you’d still have more players on the field than on the injured list, which is no safe assumption.

4. Thanksgiving, everyone? The NFL schedules 15 games, instead of the traditional two, on Thanksgiving, then 15 more, instead of the traditional one, the following Monday. Two weeks’ worth of games are crammed into five days, enabling the regular season to end on Dec. 30, as originally scheduled. Potential benefit: NFL fans get the Monday night choice they’ve been dreaming about: John Madden or Dennis Miller.

5. Super Sunday 2002: Feb. 10. The NFL plays its conference championship games on Jan. 27, NADA keeps its convention as it is, the NFL has its customary two-week break before the Super Bowl, which stays in Superdome and is played on Feb. 10.

Drawback: The Winter Olympics are scheduled to open in Salt Lake City Feb. 8.

Football versus figure skating. Coed remote control arm-wrestling becomes a new Olympic sport.