Infomercial Sites Lack the Sales Pitch, the Urgency of TV Ads

The Flowbee.

You know, deep down, that you’ll never use it. After a week, you’ll stash it in the junk drawer or back closet where it will remain until you dig it out years later for the neighborhood yard sale.

Still, you’ve got to have it.

Maybe it’s the charismatic television announcer or the bonus gift or your inability to reason at 1 in the morning. But in a moment of weakness, you convince yourself that life cannot go on without the vacuum-powered “precision home haircut system.”

Admit it.

At one time or another, who hasn’t been drawn in by advertisements promising to make everything bigger, perkier, easier--better? Yes, they swear, you too can have the perfect omelet, the perfect manicure, the perfect bikini wax.

All for only $19.95, plus shipping and handling.

Although most stores don’t sell infomercial inventions, Web sites offer nearly every product advertised on late-night TV, from miracle diets to kitchen knives.

For those who already have their hearts set on a Bun and Thigh Rocker, the sites provide customer service numbers and even accept orders online. But for those, like myself, who need to be convinced that the Bun and Thigh Rocker really will rock my buns and thighs, the Internet just doesn’t make the sale.

Without the before and after pictures, without the tearful testimonials, without the adoring audience, the Web sites lack the hypnotic power of the television commercials.

Despite promises of thicker hair, whiter teeth and more natural looking tans, I wasn’t compelled, as they urged, to “order now.” When it comes to infomercials, the Internet just can’t compare.

Some of the most popular products, such as the Flowbee (https://www.flowbee.com), have their own Web sites, but many also can be found at general infomercial Web sites. Prices online are about the same as those advertised on television, though some products sold for a few dollars less on the Internet.

Known for its music compilations and video sets, Time Life (https://www.timelife.com) offers a range of titles, from “100 Bible Songs for Kids” to “Body Talk: Forever Love.”

Television commercials for most products are available on the site using a viewer such as RealPlayer. Although I still didn’t want to buy “Classic Country: Great Story Songs” after watching the advertisement, I appreciated the site’s attempt to convince me I did.

It also includes a list of songs featured in each collection. Click on a track and listen to a short sample.

Ronco products, such as the Dial-O-Matic, are among the most popular infomercial items. Of all the commercials, Ron Popeil’s Food Dehydrator demonstrations--in which he transforms meats and fruits into beef jerky and fruit roll-ups in just a matter of minutes--are my favorite.

Without Popeil working his magic in a kitchen apron, though, the Ronco Web site (https://www.ronco.com) was a complete letdown. Despite the exclamation points, product descriptions for each item were not half as compelling as Popeil’s half-hour spiel. And I lost all interest in the beloved Food Dehydrator when I discovered it was temporarily out of stock.

They never tell you that on TV.

Most products seen on TV, including the Food Dehydrator, can be found on the As Seen on TV site (https://www.asseenontv.com). Although the site includes some of the latest inventions, many of the advertisements reek of a time when orange tanning cream and hairstyles that used gadgets such as the Hairagami were in style.

Both QVC (https://www.qvc.com) and the Home Shopping Network (https://www.hsn.com) sites feature program guides that detail products selling on television each hour of the day. Last week’s “Fashion Friday” on QVC, for example, featured hooded raincoats and Halloween-themed cardigans in the morning show.

The Web sites, however, lack the urgency the television networks convey all too well. There is no clock to count the remaining minutes those faux pearl earrings are for sale. No tally of the number of people who have snatched up the porcelain doll.

Shopping on the sites is, in fact, quite leisurely, giving you plenty of time to think about your purchase--and then think twice.

Which is exactly what such Web sites don’t want you to do.

I spent hours online looking at Hummel figurines and gold necklaces and juice squeezers. And although some products--such as the Jet Spa, which turned an average bathtub into a whirlpool of bubbles--sounded like a good idea, I knew, deep down, that I would never use them.

After a week, I’d stash them in the junk drawer or back closet where they would remain until I dug them out years later for the neighborhood yard sale.

When it comes to infomercials, the Internet just can’t compete.

Those hand models make all the difference.

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Times staff writer Christine Frey covers personal technology.