Paramount’s Cows Might Find It Hard to Escape Because They Can’t Hoof It

Years ago, the city of Paramount styled itself the Hay Capital of the United States. Perhaps it was with that agrarian period in mind that a resident phoned the city to warn that one of its fences was broken.

She “suggested we fix it ‘before the cows got away,’ ” said the city’s newsletter.

It wasn’t clear whether she understood that the cows behind the fence were only metal cut-outs of the decorative variety.

Chewing some more on that one: Still, the caller’s advice wasn’t bad. The newsletter said several of the make-believe mooers have been purloined in recent weeks. One rustler even used a dolly. The city knew this because dolly and cow were “abandoned about half a mile from the site. Apparently, the 350-pound dogie just didn’t want to git along.”

From cows to pigs: An ad for trousers that might pair well with scrambled eggs was spotted by Don Maddox of Tarzana (see accompanying).

New Cabinet post? Don Cook of Cathedral City came upon a White House department I wasn’t aware of (see photo). Wonder if it’s a successor to the Nixon administration’s plumbers unit?

Clear on the concept: Jolene Collins of Tujunga found a shoe offer that targeted a relevant market (see accompanying).

Does his HMO know about this: A healer’s ad came to the attention of Elizabeth Kiel of San Diego (see accompanying).

Harrumph for Hollywood! “Hookers Nix Canuck Pix” read the headline in Daily Variety, referring to a protest by prostitutes, panhandlers and drug users over Hollywood’s use of downtown Vancouver as a frequent filming site.

A letter sent to 30 production firms by the Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users said, “Sex trade workers must be compensated for displacement they experience at your hands in the same manner you would compensate a business.... The same must hold true for homeless people you push from beneath a bridge or doorway, and drug users you move from a park.”

The Vancouver Sun endorsed the campaign, editorializing that “we see no reason why any unorthodox entrepreneur should be treated differently from other businesses .... “

Gee, I hope this doesn’t give any film people the idea that purchasing drugs on the street there would be a public service.

Annals of strange crimes: The police log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise reported that “a woman said a man helped her bring groceries into her apartment, looked around the residence while she put them away, tried to adjust her thermostat, then left [her] a message about the air-conditioning unit before leaving at her request.”

miscelLAny: At last, a rejoinder to that civic insult of a license plate that so many readers have seen: YMINLA. Kevin Iga of Calabasas spotted the reply on an SUV in Santa Monica: OK2BNLA.

OK, it’s not an overwhelming endorsement, but it’s a start.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.