LAUGH LINES

Get Reel: “Did you see that Anna Nicole Smith show on the E! channel? They call it a ‘reality show.’ See ... that is what I love about L.A.--it is the only place where a woman with bleached blond hair, collagen lips and fake [breasts] is considered reality.” (Jay Leno)

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The Name Game: “Researchers in China have determined that 270 million people--or roughly 23.4% of that country’s population--share just three last names. It’s kind of like the Tennessee of the East.” (Ira Lawson)

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Walking Motto: “A man in Iowa is offering to rent advertising space on his head for $100,000. He says he will tattoo the message on his head permanently. You know who should take him up on this? That Don’t Be a Fool, Stay in School group.” (Leno)