Lamenting 2-0-0-2 as You Ring in the New

To be sung quietly and sorrowfully to yourself, or very loudly and drunkenly, ensemble, to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne.”

Should twenty-ought-two be forgot and never brought to mind?

It wouldn’t be a bit too soon -- good riddance, auld lang syne.

The California deficit has sucked the budget dry

Outnumbering the billions up in Carl Sagan’s sky.

A billion bucks times 35 -- imagine, if you can,

A thousand bucks for each of us, each woman, child and

man.

Gray Davis squeaked by

Simon fils with just five points to spare --

Did voters hate his politics, or was it just his hair?

Bill Bratton came from N.Y.C., badge, baggage and

valise,

To give the Big Bill touch to this depaht-ment of police.

Get angry, folks, he told L.A. -- you’ve got to do your part.

In answer to Big Bill, the murder rate went off the chart.

Secession plans went belly up; though valiantly fought,

The Thomas Brothers’ guide won’t show a burg named

“Camelot.”

The votes all cast and counted in these parts back in November

Mean Angelyne won’t get to be Hollywood’s council member.

Remember how it milked us dry, deregulation’s scheme?

You think we’re getting billions back? Yeah, only in your dream.

The Texas boys, they flimmed and flammed, we were their sitting duck --

And now a judge tells California, “Folks, you’re out of luck.”

Adelphia’s ruling Rigas clan was perp-walked off to jail.

Could it be that your cable fees helped pay for their bail?

And just how did this family afford a life deluxe?

That’s easy, say the feds -- ‘twas all on someone else’s bucks.

The new cathedral opened up, to protest and to pickets.

It’s there for all, to validate both faith and parking tickets.

Then some ex-priests were charged with sins about as old as Adam,

By D.A.s who decided they should throw the good book at ‘em.

Jim Hahn went to Beijing with pandas dancing in his eyes.

But back he came with monkeys two, a consolation prize.

He made some pals and signed some pacts, whatever all that means --

Be glad he didn’t swap us all for bags of magic beans.

Winona got probation but, now, really, was Saks hurt?

A store that sells a $700 undershirt?

So let it go, the year 2-oh and add on zero-two.

Let’s change our ways of doing things and start out fresh and new.

Why drop that ball back in New York to see the next year in?

Let Michael Jackson do it with his baby in Berlin.

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Patt Morrison can be reached at patt.morrison@latimes.com.