When the Curling Is Finished, Call Him

John Crumpacker in the San Francisco Chronicle, commenting on an activity in the Winter Olympics: “You are standing on a sheet of ice.... In your hand is a polished granite stone weighing up to 44 pounds, conveniently fitted with a handle. The stone comes from a quarry in Scotland.

“You slowly approach what is called the hog line and release the stone while someone in front of you with a broom sweeps the ice with demented fury. This lasts for two to three hours....

“What the heck are you doing? You’re curling, of course.”

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More curling: Crumpacker on the origin of the sport: “Long ago, Scots with nothing better to do threw rocks onto the frozen locks in winter to watch them slide.

“In the same spirit, supermarket employees working the graveyard shift have been known to engage in turkey bowling, in which a frozen tom is sent hurtling down the aisle toward a set of 10 2-liter plastic bottles.”

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Trivia time: Who is the youngest quarterback to start a Super Bowl game?

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Remember? New England’s rally in a tie game in the waning seconds to win the Super Bowl against St. Louis with a field goal as time expired is reminiscent of an even greater Super Bowl comeback.

That came in Super Bowl XXIII in Miami, where quarterback Joe Montana led the San Francisco 49ers on a 92-yard game-winning drive in the final minutes. It was climaxed by his touchdown pass to John Taylor with 34 seconds remaining for a 20-16 victory.

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Repellent: Jay Leno, while holding a bottle labeled “Interception”: “This is Kurt Warner’s new cologne. You put this on and the other guy scores.”

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Tougher test: Augusta National, site of the Masters, has been lengthened 300 yards, making it tougher for older players such as 71-year-old Arnold Palmer.

“As a fan of [his], I don’t want to see him play poorly,” Tiger Woods said. “And the golf course now, it’s just like any other player who doesn’t hit the ball very long. They’re going to struggle. And they’re going to struggle a lot.”

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Grand slam: Bob Sansevere in the St. Paul Pioneer Press: “By refusing to hear an appeal by major league baseball and the Twins, the Minnesota Supreme Court slammed the door on contraction.

“It’s just too bad [Commissioner] Bud Selig and [Twins owner] Carl Pohlad didn’t have their fingers in the doorjamb when it slammed shut.”

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Will he even watch? Rasheed Wallace of the Portland Trail Blazers wasn’t selected to play in Sunday’s All-Star game, but he seemingly isn’t upset about it: “I couldn’t care less. It just frees me for the weekend to party.”

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Trivia answer: Dan Marino of the Miami Dolphins, 23 years four months.

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And finally: Dion Rich told Bloomberg News he got past security that the U.S. Secret Service said was equal to a presidential inauguration to sneak into what he claims was his 33rd Super Bowl.

Rich, 72, said he got into the Louisiana Superdome through a side door that was opened by an usher and left unattended.

Rick Reilly, a Sports Illustrated columnist, said he watched Rich slip in. “It took him about six minutes. He looked like Fred Astaire walking into his own kitchen.”

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Mal Florence