The Gold, the Cads and the Ugly

Do you believe in miracles!?

Now I do.

The U.S. men’s Nordic ski team didn’t win a medal, but it came closer than it has in 26 years with a fourth place in the team combined, a fifth in the cross-country relay and a fifth in the individual combined sprint by Todd Lodwick. The men predict a medal in four years. The women predict one in eight years. Al Michaels is on call.

Other highs and lows from the Winter Olympics:

Baron Pierre de Coubertin spins in his grave once more before the closing ceremony: Nina Kemppel, the four-time U.S. Olympian whose best finish was her 15th in Sunday’s 30k cross-country ski race, tried hard to think of how many elite skiers in her sport aren’t on drugs. She named two, a Norwegian and an Italian.

The undisputed world champion, ja: The medal standings recorded another victory for Germany with 35 medals, including 12 gold. The United States won 34 medals, 10 gold. But in my book--the World Almanac--Norway wins.

Norwegians won 24 medals (11 gold), which is one medal for every 175,862 people in the country. Per capita, Germany won one medal for every 2,372,257 citizens and the United States won one for every 8,371,176. Norway’s national anthem, one more time: “Ja, Vi Elsker Dette Landet.”

Best non-story: Security. Federal, state and local officials combined in an unprecedented effort to prevent a terrorist attack. They went about their jobs unobtrusively and courteously. Until Feb. 14, I had never been wished a Happy Valentine’s Day by someone patting me down.

Ugly Canadian Award: Wayne Gretzky. When the Canadian hockey team lost its opening game, he blamed it on American propaganda.

Response: One of his kids called from home in Westlake Village and said, “Hey, Dad, we’re American.”

Desperately seeking scandal: It became a huge local media story when Mitt Romney, the Peter Ueberroth of these Games, allegedly used the “f” word. He denied it. He said he used the “h” word. In either case, a reader wrote a letter to the Salt Lake Tribune declaring that Romney is going to “h.”

Clearest crystal ball: Four years ago, after finishing second to Tara Lipinski at Nagano, Michelle Kwan acknowledged that she might not win in Salt Lake City, either. “Maybe there’s another 13-year-old coming up,” she said. “You never know.” She was almost right. In 1998, cheering for Kwan on television from her home in Great Neck, N.Y., was 12-year-old Sarah Hughes.

Another sign of the fall of the Russian sports empire: When Russia’s most decorated winter athlete, cross-country skier Larissa Lazutina, was disqualified from starting a race because of an elevated hemoglobin level, officials from the country blamed it on the start of her “monthly.”

Veteran Sovietologists recall when Russian doctors did whatever was necessary to prevent their women athletes from having their “monthlies” during competitions. Most women gymnasts weren’t allowed to have them until their 20s.

Ugly Russian Award: When a series of judgment calls began going against them, Russian sports officials threatened to boycott the closing ceremony.

Response: Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered his sports officials not to boycott, then sent them a message Sunday congratulating them for making the correct decision.

Alberto Tomba impersonator: Bode Miller of New Hampshire skis like Tomba, going through the gates instead of around them. Miller’s style earned him silver medals here in the giant slalom and combined but probably cost him a gold in the slalom. He vows to do better in four years. Now if he can get a date with Katarina Witt....

Best trend: To increase the talent pool in sports such as snowboarding, speedskating and short-track speedskating, officials from those sports are combing the sunshine states for skateboarders and in-line skaters. Who would have thought a Latina from Miami such as Jennifer Rodriguez or a Latino from San Bernardino such as Derek Parra would each win two medals in speedskating?

Second best trend: Sarah Hughes doesn’t have an agent.

Ugly Spaniard Award: Francisco Fernando Ochoa, a native Spaniard who won the country’s first winter gold medal in 1972, wasn’t filled with national pride when Johann Muehlegg, a German native, won three gold medals for Spain here. “Now he is almost Spanish,” Ochoa said. “If he had really been Spanish, I would have gotten drunk to celebrate.”

Response: “I’m sure that if the positive test is confirmed, there will be jerks who will say that he isn’t Spanish,” Ochoa said when rumors circulated that Muehlegg had failed a drug test.

Best comeback: Chris Klug, from a liver transplant, to win a bronze medal in snowboarding.

Second best comeback: United States, from Atlanta in 1996. “The last Games in Atlanta were not good Games,” IOC President Jacques Rogge said Sunday. “This has been corrected here.”

Spirit Award: Finding a misplaced box of the popular Roots USA berets at a Salt Lake recycling plant where he was working for $1 an hour, Larry Redmond enthused, “You feel like now you’ve been in the Olympics.” He plans to celebrate as soon as he is released from prison.

Ugly American Award: Unclaimed, but wait until 2004.

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Randy Harvey can be reached at randy.harvey@latimes.com.