This Would Give Him Reason to Tie One On

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig is a man in the headlights these days, so it’s no surprise that CBS’ David Letterman rewarded (?) him with one of his popular Top Ten dialogues on “The Late Show”:

10. Only guy in Milwaukee who’s never had a beer.

9. Just told Martha Stewart to unload her Montreal Expos stock.

8. Went to Las Vegas a couple of days ago and put 10 grand on a tie.

7. Eats rosin bags like they’re peanuts.

6. Won’t stop sending flowers to Mike Piazza.

5. Has actually sat through a Tampa Bay Devil Rays game.

4. His nude seventh-inning stretches were funny the first couple of times.

3. Refuses to recognize Ted Williams as top cryogenically frozen ballplayer of all time.

2. Wife keeps complaining about “contraction,” if you know what I mean.

1. Throws like a girl.

Trivia time: What was so unusual in Nick Faldo’s final round to win the 1987 British Open at Muirfield?

No big deal: Soccer fans around the world must be puzzled about why we are making a fuss over baseball’s All-Star game ending in a tie.

More often than not, soccer teams play for ties and are happy to get one.

And who can forget Ara Parseghian having Notre Dame play for a tie against Michigan State in their classic 10-10 game in 1966?

Ultimate test: Steve Fossett has swum the English Channel, finished the Iditarod dogsled race, competed in the 24 Hours of LeMans and become the first man to fly a hot-air balloon solo around the world. Steve Hummer of the Atlanta Journal Constitution asks, “Will he take the next, most perilous challenge when it is offered--managing the Cubs?”

Cryonic failure: “I can’t believe anybody would pay a lot of money for DNA from Ted Williams because it’s no guarantee of greatness,” Roger Brigham told Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle. “Case in point: John Henry Williams.”

Bigger is better: At last, an NFL player who acknowledges he weighs 400 pounds. Offensive lineman Aaron Gibson tipped the scales at 410 when the Dallas Cowboys opened practice.

According to Pro Football Hall of Fame officials, he is the first official 400-pounder.

Try it sometime: Tony Stewart, who just wants to race cars--any kind of cars--keeps such a busy schedule that he is difficult to catch up with.

“You know Tony, he’s like trying to nail jelly to a post sometimes,” team owner Chip Ganassi said.

Looking up: A zoo in Switzerland has named two baby giraffes after Ronaldo and Rivaldo, stars of Brazil’s World Cup champions.

Trivia answer: He made 18 pars.

And finally: Safety Marques Anderson, a third-round draft choice from UCLA, has signed with the Green Bay Packers for a three-year deal estimated to be about $1.3 million with a signing bonus of $415,000.

What’s so unusual about that? The signing took place at a tattoo parlor where Packer officials tracked down the 5-foot-11, 213-pound former Bruin.