Fans Sit Up and Beg; Dodgers Just Roll Over

First my stocks take a dive, then the dog turns on me for not walking her enough, and just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, turns out my beloved Dodgers are manic-depressive. More than needing a second baseman who hits for average, outfielders who can hit at all or even team defense, this team needs a therapist--in a hurry! What’s next, a strike? Oops, never mind!

Adam Wayne

Los Angeles

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Let’s play a little game called “Who Am I?”

“Hi. I have a seven-year deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers for $15 million a year. I also have access to a private jet to use whenever I want. Over my first four years with the club, I’ve contributed rather little because I’m as fragile as fine porcelain china. This year, I’ve started fewer than 10 games and have an ERA over 4.00. I’m also not very friendly. And even though my family and I have more money than we’d ever be able to spend in a lifetime, and even though I almost never play, I have not offered to give a dime of my salary back so that my team may be able to afford the player or players they need to win a pennant. Who am I?”

Sneaky Sims

Mar Vista

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I don’t think the fans really understand. See, it’s not really about winning. It’s all about chemistry. What’s most important is that everyone on the Dodgers really likes each other. Recognizing you’re in a pennant race and actually trying to score more runs than your opponents are relatively unimportant as long as there’s harmony and happiness in the clubhouse. So, whatever the Dodgers do, they mustn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. They must not get rid of anyone or add anyone that might upset that delicate chemical balance. I mean, we’re talking about the NL West champs of the 2002 halfway point.

Hey, Evans, Daly and Fox, we fans just want to thank you for a fun first half. We know how poor News Corp. and Fox are, and, to be honest, we don’t really know much about baseball, but hey ... that Adrian Beltre sure seems like a nice kid.

Steve Freeman

Los Angeles

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Why on earth did Donald Fehr tell the Dodger players that the Major League Baseball strike started on July 12 instead of Sept. 16?

Eddie Navarro

Thousand Oaks

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What do the Dodgers and Dennis Conner’s boat Stars & Stripes USA 77 have in common?

They both give you that sinking feeling.

Eddie Koblitz

Los Angeles

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Crash, swoon, dive.

Was that the stock market or the Dodgers?

Herbert M. Schoenberg

Tarzana