Really Long and Loud Screams? Maybe They Were All Crying for Ice Cream

The police log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise reported that a resident heard a neighbor’s child “screaming for 30 minutes.” A check revealed that the disturbance actually was “several infants crying at a 1-year-old’s birthday party.” Bunch of party-poopers, no doubt.

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Talk about a tight real estate market: Ronald Ballew of Long Beach saw an ad for what must be the most luxurious pay toilet in town (see photo). I’d like to know more about the “secure parking.”

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Speaking of parking: Maureen McConaghy spotted an area that’s obviously reserved for patients who have insurance (see photo).

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There must be some standards: David Allen’s column in the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin noted that his newspaper carried this explanation about grand jury duty: “Jurors are required to possess sufficient knowledge of the English language, be of at least average intelligence, sound judgment and good character.

“Elected officials are not eligible.”

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Salute to the Oscars: As we count down the days to Sunday’s show, I’ll be getting you in the mood with a memorable marquee each day. John Plummer sent along one that had a “Help Wanted” sign in an odd place (see photo).

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No fare: One of the ways I pass the agonizing periods of slow commutes is to watch for bandit (unlicensed ) taxis in L.A. Some look like the real thing, with a yellow paint job, a nameplate on the roof, a fare box inside, etc. But you can tell the fakes because they don’t display the city seal on the side of the car. And sometimes there are other giveaways too. Like the guy with the Yellow Cab “Taxy” sign.

Shock radio: The discussion here about the Hollywood driver who displayed a sign to thieves saying he had no property insurance reminded Joe Grochowski of Valencia of his favorite New York yarn (“friends swore it was true”).

“It involved an Upper East Sider, very status conscious, who brought his new BMW home from the dealership one evening,” Grochowski said.

“He was very pleased to find a parking space right on his street, in a good neighborhood. Before he left his ‘new baby’ there, he carefully affixed a ‘No Radio’ sign to the driver’s window. He went into his building certain the car was safe.

“The next morning he went down to his car. Even before he crossed the street to it he could see the litter of broken glass alongside the driver’s door.

“Heartbroken, he walked up to his car. Inside, on the driver’s seat, he saw his ‘No Radio’ sign.

“Carefully placed next to it was a note. The note said, ‘Get one!’”

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miscelLAny: The American Assn. of Political Consultants is meeting at a San Diego hotel this weekend for its annual awards show. Its members include those wonderful folks who plot election campaigns. I wonder if these strategists toast each other with the words: “Here’s mud in your eye!”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-Times, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve. harvey@latimes.com.