Acts of Vandalism on Studio Parking Lots Seem to Follow a Familiar Script

Who will star in the movie version? The police log of the L.A. Independent said that an unidentified employee at Sony Studios in Culver City called a service from his office “to wash and wax his silver 2002 Volvo. The victim paid the service in the evening and went to pick up his car, but it wasn’t where the service said it would be.

“After searching, he found it with a 24-inch scratch on the driver’s side door and coffee poured over the hood and bumper. The victim thinks the service parked it in another employee’s space.” The victim said this other employee “is very competitive and has been known for this type of behavior.”

On a studio lot? Shocking.

Off-street parking can be such sweet sorrow: Now for a between-the-lines flashback. Several years ago, an actress found nasty words scrawled on her car on a studio lot, as well as a photo of what appeared to be a large man’s naked posterior, after she inadvertently parked in the spot of an actor.

Commuter tie-ups: One thing KNX traffic reporter Jim Thornton doesn’t need for Father’s Day is a tie, especially one with a traffic theme. He already has 36, including one that says “Uniroyal” and is made of rubber.

The garish things, which appear on the KNX1070.com Web site, were sent in by listeners. One tie that caught my eye depicts one of the hazards of parking on public streets (see photo). Of course, you need merely feed this hazard a few coins to satisfy it. It will never attack your car like one of those angry humans on a studio lot.

Escape from L.A.: While visiting his brother in Australia, Rodney Hexter of Mission Viejo spotted a product that should please the be-kind-to-insects crowd (see photo). It’s typical, he quipped, “of the Down Under sympathy we Australians are famous for.”

Conflicting signals to visitors: The Dana Point News’ police log said “a transient man with a pit bull was reported to be directly behind the large rock that says, ‘Welcome to Monarch Beach.’”

Over-the-hill film festival: In honor of the announcement that the Valley secession question will be on the November ballot, I think it’s time to reprise some of the historic references to that region in the movies.

* “Where’s Toluca Lake?”--Hit man in “Pulp Fiction.”

* “Not that boy from Reseda?”--Anguished parent asking his daughter about her date in “The Karate Kid.”

* “I don’t know if this is going to work out. After all, you’re from outer space and I am from the Valley”--Young woman to invader in “Earth Girls Are Easy.”

* “You do know me from Pauly’s Pizza in Studio City”--Kidnapper to victim in “2 Days in the Valley.”

* “Jules, we’re in the Valley. No one is going to recognize you”--Comforting words to crooked financier in “An Inconvenient Woman.”

* “If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you’d be living the sweet life out in Southern California’s San Fernando Valley”--Exterminator to demon in “Ghostbusters II.”

* “Just north of Hollywood in a town called San Fernando, there have been reports of saucers flying so low the exhaust knocked people to the ground”--A soldier in “Plan 9 from Outer Space.” The saucers, as I recall, were just looking for parking places.

* And, finally: There’s the new name that the submerged San Fernando Valley acquires after a magnitude 9 quake strikes Southern California in “Escape from L.A.”: the “San Fernando Sea.” A different kind of secession.

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miscelLAny: “Some of us really miss the rain,” writes Bonnie Sloane, “including the driver of the truck that passed me on the 405 with the license plate LVLNINO.” She adds: “The truck is owned by a roofing company.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve. harvey@latimes.com.