All Alone at the Marble Altar

The cardinal can soft-sell it, spin it, call it whatever he and his publicists care to call it.

But when your top five officers say “See ya,” we don’t need an interpreter. There’s trouble in the house.

Not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE executives -- the brain trust and administrative leadership of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles -- are walking out the door.

A vote of no-confidence in Cardinal Roger M. Mahony?

Of course not, the cardinal’s men would have us believe.

A protest against un-Christian cuts in several ministries that serve the poor, even as Mahony luxuriates in his brand new $189-million Rog Mahal?

No way, we’re told.

It’s a mere reorganization, says the cardinal’s news release. The whole thing was set in motion by the planned sabbatical of Msgr. Terrance Fleming.

Maybe so. And trust me, I want to believe this, for Mahony’s sake. With the continuing sex-abuse scandal -- the Ventura County D.A. charged Thursday that Mahony is stonewalling an open investigation -- he’s already had a tough enough year without a revolution or a mutiny, or whatever this sudden turn might be.

But if President Bush’s entire Cabinet walked out on him, and Bush claimed it had nothing to do with his leadership, would you smile agreeably and nod like an idiot?

“The staff I talked to suggested it’s a protest, but they’re being good soldiers and not saying anything,” one priest said of the sudden resignation by the Gang of Five. “I don’t believe the press release. I think there is distress with the way things have been handled, and they just wanted out.”

It wouldn’t be a total surprise. Not one month ago, diocesan priests confronted Mahony over his “paternalistic” and “unilateral” style, saying it was ridiculous for him to argue that budget cuts and layoffs had nothing to do with the opening of the new downtown cathedral.

One priest, with as many as a dozen brothers at his side, read the following statement to the cardinal:

“It strains the credibility we have with our people when we dedicate a $189-million cathedral -- rejoicing that it is fully funded -- and, one week later, declare that 60 lay and religious employees must be let go because we have not planned wisely enough to raise the $4 million needed to fund their ministries to prisoners, ethnic minorities, gay and lesbian outreach and religious education to children.”

Maybe Mahony anticipates revenues from the sassy new diocesan wine label to pay for a reinstatement of the ministries that got axed. “Cathedral of Our Lady of Angels” chardonnay and cabernet are available in the new gift shop, which Mahony has touted during Mass in the new cathedral.

The archdiocese has now effectively cut “every program Jesus would have kept,” one priest said Thursday. “The mood is awful,” he added before sharing a colleague’s observation about the sudden abandonment by Mahony’s top five officers:

“It’s a sinking ship.”

Two of the Gang of Five released statements Thursday. One said his resignation was not a protest move, but was born of a desire to let a new team take over. The other said he wanted to return to parish ministry. A third of the five is ill.

But insiders say the truth, as usual, is a little more complicated. I’m told it wasn’t the budget cuts that riled members of the cardinal’s inner circle, but Mahony’s imperious manner. Some may have felt they were fall guys who were left out of the decision-making but forced to do the cardinal’s dirty work.

If so, there’s a lovely irony there. One lesson from the sex-abuse scandal and the years-long cover-up was the need for a more open, democratic and accountable church. Mahony paid lip service to that notion when it was briefly in vogue. And yet, here he is, in crisis again, partly over complaints that he runs a totalitarian regime.

In a move that matches his slickest work to date, the news release from the archdiocese does more than deny that Mahony’s top officers walked out over the budget cuts. It implies that they were the Scrooges responsible for them, and that Mahony was left the thankless task of rubber-stamping their heartless deeds.

Enough with the finger-pointing, which isn’t very Christian. Regardless of who’s at fault, there’s a way for Mahony to square this with the Man Upstairs.

What is there, roughly $30 million worth of art and adornment in the new cathedral?

So the cardinal throws a yard sale. He’s got plenty of tchotchkes to choose from and, with the proceeds, he could rehire some of those missionaries he canned and return them to the Lord’s service.

Who in God’s Kingdom is going to miss two or three chandeliers?

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Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at steve.lopez@latimes .com.