Good Thing He Never Offered His Cap

Dodger reliever Eric Gagne is such a hero in his hometown of Montreal that one of the city’s French newspapers, La Presse, put the news of his wedding at a local church on its front page earlier this month.

Not the front page of the sports section -- the front page of the newspaper, with a sizable photograph of a formally dressed Gagne and his wife, Valerie, in her white gown and veil.

According to La Presse, Gagne told his wife, “Valerie, I pledge you my heart and my arm,” which it said was only fitting “for a champion who makes his fortune with his arm.”

Trivia time: Who was the quarterback of Penn State’s national championship team in 1986?

Field of screams: Washington Post columnist Tony Kornheiser has some words for those who are trying to turn football fields and baseball diamonds into a participation sport.

“This ‘storming the field’ nonsense is becoming a plague,” he wrote. “Almost every day somebody or some horde of somebodies are out there running around, essentially daring the players to pop them. It’s rude and provocative behavior; it’s the ‘Jackassing’ of America.

” ... But the stadium field isn’t a place where folks congregate and schmooze. It’s not a jogging trail, or a mall or a disco. While a game is going on [and immediately after] it’s private property. It belongs to the players, coaches and officials. You enter at your own risk.”

Mr. Mom: A new child? So what?

Kentucky quarterback Jared Lorenzen, who is listed at 275 pounds but reportedly is 300 pounds, hasn’t passed up too many meals. He has fit his newborn baby right into his daily -- and nightly -- schedule.

“Getting up in the middle of the night for feedings at 1, 3, 5 in the morning -- kind of like I do for myself,” he said, joking.

Matinee men: Tampa Bay Coach Jon Gruden is educating, and motivating, his players through film footage of old.

“I’ve been a connoisseur over the years of football and nostalgia,” Gruden told Katherine Smith of the Tampa Tribune. “When you talk about great defenses, let’s watch L.T. take on the isolation and watch him rush a passer.”

Twenty years ago might as well be 100 years for some of his players.

Said tight end Ken Dilger: “[Gruden] will bring out tape from as far back as the mid-’80s. It’s really grainy looking and you’re wondering what the heck is this?”

$-Rod: Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, on the extra cash coming to Texas Ranger shortstop Alex Rodriguez: “Isn’t Alex Rodriguez getting $300,000 in Gold Glove and MVP bonuses on top of his $21-million salary akin to putting an extra hood ornament on a Mercedes?”

Posting up: Charles Barkley wasn’t the first to puncture the myth of Yao Ming ... and he won’t be the last.

“Yao Ming makes Shawn Bradley look like Bill Russell,” Barkley said last week on TNT.

Trivia answer: John Shaffer.

And finally: Philadelphia Phillie pitcher Randy Wolf, who is on the Japanese tour with Barry Bonds: “[Bonds] borders on the line of not human.”

-- Lisa Dillman