If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Inspect the Paperwork

The man who pulled down a cool 8% of the vote to come in second in the Democratic primary for governor back in March now says there is no such person as Gray Davis, and he by default is the party’s nominee.

Anselmo A. Chavez filed suit in Sutter County, alleging that, among other things, the name on the incumbent’s declaration of intent to run was typed in as Joseph Graham Davis Jr. but signed as “Gray Davis.” Ominously, he says, the L.A. County registrar’s office has neither such person registered to vote.

Therefore, the suit asks that “the nomination of Gray Davis be set aside; that [Chavez] be adjudged nominated.”

Secretary of State Bill Jones’ office says it will, according to procedure, duly forward the suit to the attorney general’s office. An attorney in Jones’ office said the key is the code Chavez cited, which requires intent to falsify.

And Gray Davis doesn’t pretend to be anybody but Gray Davis (really, how could he, hair-wise?). In any case, the matter is probably moot, because the suit’s first court date is set for June 2, nearly seven months after the election.

Wouldn’t Call That a Ringing Endorsement

Just like a 1950s horror movie--no one is safe ... from cell phone terrors.

The voicemail message on the cell phone went like this:

“Hi, this is Loretta Lynch. Because of Verizon Wireless’ absolutely terrible service quality and billing practices, I have reluctantly decided to give up this phone number, so please call me at my office ... or at my new cell phone number.”

Who is Loretta Lynch? She’s the head of the Public Utilities Commission, which regulates cell phones.

Just a Libertarian Taking Liberties

Put this one under the title “Great Expectorations.” Gary Copeland says he’ll still be campaigning for governor, even though his Libertarian Party has yanked its endorsement of him for spitting on a radio talk-show host.

Copeland swore that Brian Whitman of KABC radio had it coming. The “spit spat” followed an on-air shouting match, and what followed the saliva trajectory was, in the way of these things, more publicity and more donations to Copeland’s campaign. Hey, they’re Libertarians.

But late last week, Copeland apologized: “I stepped over an unwritten line in public decorum. Brian was doing his job and I, in a fleeting moment, had forgotten mine.”

This is turning into a scold-of-the-month campaign for Copeland. In July, the party’s leader chastised him for wandering around the party’s state convention in luau shirt and sandals, and for blurting out “stupid comments” during other people’s speeches. Unfair! retorted Copeland. The party was out to get him because he’d listed himself on the ballot as a Libertarian Druid Existentialist.

And, just like Miss America, when the winner can’t serve, the runner-up steps in.

Party Web sites now show the nominee--write-ins only, please--to be former Bellflower Mayor Art Oliver, who like Copeland isn’t within spitting distance of winning the job. Will this change after Copeland’s apology? You’ll read it here.

Does This Qualify as a Trojan Horse?

Ted Stein, the head of Los Angeles’ Airport Commission and an FOJ (Friend of Jim’s, Mayor Hahn), was throwing a little gala to raise money for Hahn’s anti-Valley secession campaign. It was at Stein’s house, which happens to be in Encino, which happens to be in the San Fernando Valley.

And Bruce Boyer, who’s running for mayor of the new Valley city, if there ever is one, intended to be right out in front there, protesting. So why were the only signs in front of Stein’s home the ones for valet parking?

Boyer’s press release had the address wrong by about a block, but he says now that he would have found the place anyway if it hadn’t been for all the traffic. And he couldn’t spend an hour trying to find the place and then park, or he would have been late for his next meeting, at the Winnetka Chamber of Commerce, so he bailed on the protest. He did wonder, he admits, about driving up in his car with “Bruce for Mayor” signs on it and demanding, “You gonna valet-park me?”

Secession social notes: Stein and his wife are vacationing in France and Spain with Richard Close and his wife, Close being the head of the pro-secession Valley Vote.

It’s their second vacation a quatre in two years, and given how good Stein has shown himself to be at raising money against secession (about a half-million right there at his own house), Close figures that “if I take him out of the country, it will give our people a chance to catch up on fund-raising.”

When Embarrassed, Correct It Three Times

Judge not, lest ye be Jose.

At a rally with Latino law enforcement groups at the East L.A. Community Center, Gray Davis heralded his own performance in appointing Latinos to state positions. That includes his only appointment to date to the state Supreme Court, the first Latino on the state’s high court in a dozen years, “a very distinguished jurist, who is the only one of four judges that I submitted to the state bar ... who got unanimously ‘extremely well qualified’ ... Jose Moreno, and he’s now associate justice of the Supreme Court.”

Applause, applause. Stop the presses. Davis corrected himself. “Carlos Moreno,” he said, three times, to make sure people knew he knew.

Keep Talking, There’s a Pattern Here ...

Simon says, and says, and says....

A bit of chronology from the switchback statements on gay rights matters--in this case hospital visitation privileges for gay couples.

Aug. 9: The Log Cabin Republicans’ questionnaire shows Simon’s signature at the bottom (the one that Simon says someone at his campaign signed without his permission, a computer-generated version): “I fully support hospital visitation, and other rights, for domestic partners.”

Sept. 3: At a Sacramento campaign stop, Simon offered his first public explanation for why he disavowed the campaign’s response to the Log Cabin questionnaire after he was asked whether he supports hospital visitation and other legal rights for gay couples: “If it’s premised on sexual orientation, I do not.”

Sept. 17: In a radio interview on KLAC-AM in Los Angeles, host Gil Gross asked Simon whether he supports hospital visitation rights for gay couples. “You know,” Simon responded, “I’d be OK with that.”

Points Taken

* From the people who brought you Proposition 103 and the like, the Foundation for Taxpayer and Consumer Rights: the gala dinner for the “Rage for Justice Awards,” which topped its list of honorees with state Sen. John Burton. “Rage for Justice” is from the title of a biography of John Burton’s brother, the incendiary Rep. Philip Burton. The Philip Burton Public Service Award was presented by Warren Beatty. State Sen. Martha Escutia got Legislator of the Year honors for going after the junk-food trade for targeting schoolchildren. Big Macs were not served.

* Bad blood between the top two Dems? Two days in a row last week, Gray Davis made a point of inviting Republican Bruce McPherson to ceremonies where Davis signed a number of crime and security bills, including two by McPherson. Davis signs a lot of bills, most of them not in public, with no invitations extended to their sponsors, especially not a Republican who happens to be running for lieutenant governor against the state’s No. 2 elected Democrat, Cruz Bustamante.

* The California Organization of Police and Sheriffs, a big supporter of Bill Simon’s, is playing literal-minded over a metaphor, demanding that Gray Davis repudiate and apologize for “condoning gun violence against Bill Simon.” What did Davis say? Apropos of the overturning of a huge fraud verdict against a Simon family firm but other legal concerns on the Simon horizon, Davis remarked, “Mr. Simon may have dodged one bullet, but he has a few more coming his direction.”

* Happy anniversary! Today is the 50th anniversary of Richard Nixon’s Checkers Speech; Nixon, struggling to stay on the GOP ticket after accusations of a “slush fund” from fat-cat friends, never actually said “I’m sorry” but offered a list of his financial obligations and possessions, including his wife’s “respectable Republican cloth coat,” and the gift of “a little cocker spaniel dog” named Checkers, which his daughters loved and he wasn’t giving back. Nixon’s daughter Julie said last year she’d like to exhume Checkers from a Long Island pet cemetery and rebury her near her old master at the Nixon Library in Yorba Linda.

You Can Quote Me

“We know the Amber Alert worked like a charm when those two teenagers were kidnapped in Lancaster. I had the honor of being with the two deputies who had to track down this predator and did us all a favor by killing him.”

Gray Davis, speaking to an applauding crowd of about 200 union members in Riverside. All part of a candidate’s edging toward the center as the election draws nearer. In a debate four years ago (you remember when candidates debated) against conservative Dan Lungren, Davis made jaws drop with his observation that “Singapore”--where an American teenager had been controversially caned for spray-painting cars--”is a good starting point, in terms of law and order.”

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Cleanup: According to this billboard on the Long Beach Freeway, the PAX network, partly owned by the family of gubernatorial hopeful Bill Simon Jr., presents a new TV series, “Just Cause,” about crooked CEOs. “Cleaning up America ... one crooked CEO at a time.” Simon’s family was recently slapped with a $78-million jury verdict in a business fraud case, overturned this month by an L.A. judge.

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Patt Morrison’s columns appear Mondays and Tuesdays. Her e-mail address is patt.morrison@la times.com. This week’s contributors include Sharon Bernstein, Michael Finnegan and Jean O. Pasco.