And He Didn’t Even Mention Ron Artest

With the NBA playoffs starting today, Randy Hill of foxsports.com took an irreverent look at an irregular regular season:

* Of the NBA’s denying an investor group led by Larry Bird a new franchise in Charlotte, N.C.: “This seems ironic because, at one time or another, Bird has owned most of the teams in this league.”

* “It’s heartwarming that the Carey who serenaded [Michael] Jordan at the All-Star game was Mariah and not Drew.”

* Of the nasty words scribbled on the ball used when Shaquille O’Neal scored the 20,000th point of his NBA career: “According to league sources, this vulgarity turned out to be a recipe for a fat-free pie.”

* “I’m not even going to bother with substance-abuse violations involving Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire. But I’d like to believe Rasheed and Damon were doing nothing more than striving for a higher seed.”

Trivia time: In their 53 NBA seasons before this one, including their years in Minneapolis, how many times did the Lakers reach the NBA Finals?

Matter of survival: After the Minnesota football team ran an advertisement this week in the school newspaper, the Minnesota Daily, looking for kicking help from the student body, Coach Glen Mason was asked if he saw humor in advertising for a kicker.

“No,” he told the Minneapolis Star Tribune, laughing, “because if I don’t find one, they’ll put an ad in the paper looking for a coach.”

Right on the money: Two weeks ago, Joe Posnanski of the Kansas City Star wrote, “Roy Williams ain’t goin’ to North Carolina. No way. No sir. No how.”

And after Williams bolted?

“Dewey beat Truman,” wrote Posnanski. “Al Gore won Florida. Oakland wins the Super Bowl. Yep. Any information you want, you can find it right here.”

Don’t bet on it: Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post, on Willis McGahee being projected as a first-round pick in the NFL draft despite a serious knee injury:

“This could be the first time in history that every sportswriter covering the draft can outrun the first running back selected.”

No shame: Jim Harrick, who resigned as Georgia’s basketball coach March 27 amid school and NCAA investigations into his program, was the featured speaker Thursday night at the Bulldogs’ season-ending banquet at Athens, Ga.

Three times, a crowd of about 200 gave him standing ovations.

Trivia answer: Twenty-seven. They’ve won 14 NBA titles, nine in Los Angeles.

And finally: In Detroit, Red Wing fans are still trying to come to grips with the club’s stunning playoff ouster by the Mighty Ducks. It was the first time in 51 years that the defending Stanley Cup champion was swept in the first round.

“This was about being put on the shelf before the wrapping came off,” wrote Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press. “About having a door slammed before you get to finish your sales pitch.

“All day Thursday, Detroit fans were in a delayed state of disbelief, as if they’d woken up and the spouse, house and job had all disappeared.”