Cub Fans Want Ozzy Out of This Ballgame

By now, you’ve probably heard Ozzy Osbourne’s rendition of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” His performance during the seventh-inning stretch of the Dodger-Cub game at Chicago’s Wrigley Field on Sunday has been on just about every television and radio outlet.

Under the headline “Dysfunctional fun at the old ballpark,” the Chicago Tribune attempted to put it into words. We won’t attempt to do that here. It’s impossible.

WGN showed Vin Scully giving it a thumbs ups. No doubt Scully is too nice to let Osbourne know what he really thought.

The Tribune, however, did not pull any punches.

The newspaper called the 54-year-old rocker “the world’s most notorious mumbler” and said his performance “is yet another reason why this once-quaint tradition needs to be stuffed in a trunk and sent to the bottom of Lake Michigan.”

*

As bad as it gets: The Tribune conducted a survey on its Web site, asking readers whether Osbourne’s rendition was the worst during a Cubs’ seventh-inning stretch. It won easily, getting 63.2% of the votes. Second was Mike Ditka’s rendition, with 24.8%.

Jim Rome played Ditka’s version on his radio show Tuesday. Ditka sings so fast it’s as though he is going for a world record in elapsed time.

*

Trivia time: The New York Yankees retired Reggie Jackson’s jersey No. 44 in 1993, the year he was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

The Oakland Athletics announced Tuesday they will retire Jackson’s A’s jersey next season. What number did Jackson wear with the A’s?

*

Knot cool: Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle welcomed new Golden State Warrior Nick Van Exel with a reminder of what commentator Bill Walton once said during a Laker-Utah Jazz playoff game:

“This is the third time this quarter that Van Exel has tied his shoes. How about a double knot?”

*

Soccer’s Yogi Berra: Italy’s Francesco Totti, captain of AS Roma and a key player on the national team, is so famous for his gaffes that a collection of them has been put in a book, which is being sold for charity.

On one occasion a TV interviewer praised the player by quoting the Latin expression carpe diem, which means “seize the day.”

Said Totti: “Sorry, I don’t speak English.”

*

Tall order: Tim McDonald, former San Francisco 49er and USC defensive back, and Matt Johnson, another former Trojan defensive back, have been business partners in a successful sports bar-restaurant in Fresno for several years.

Now they’re going to try a new venture.

They’ve just become the new head coach and assistant head coach at Fresno’s Edison High, McDonald’s alma mater.

*

Trivia answer: No. 9.

*

And finally: New Jersey Net forward Kenyon Martin, whose nickname is K-Mart, was miffed over the team’s offer of a $66-million contract extension. Says Randy Hill of FoxSports.com: “K-Mart, who would prefer working for $87 million, will attempt to facilitate the larger raise by changing his nickname to Nordstrom.”

-- Larry Stewart