The L.A. Advice Guy
The frenzied search for replacements for Dear Abby and Ann Landers had at its core a strange double standard. In this era of corporate wrongdoing, priestly crimes and messy divorces, it is men who are at the core of scandal (give or take the occasional Martha Stewart) and men who need guidance. Yet advice columns remain the domain of women.
It’s time to break the feminine stranglehold with a column written by a man, a sage with a clear voice who is, above all, firmly schooled in the ethics of Los Angeles: The Advice Guy.
Q: At a family barbecue, my brother told me his publicly traded company had overstated its earnings for the past five quarters. Trusting him, years ago I purchased a large number of shares. The price of the stock has quadrupled and shares split.
Is it wrong to sell the stock because of what he told me, and should I report my brother to the Securities and Exchange Commission?--L.C., La Jolla
A: If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it fall? Or, put another way, is something wrong if no one finds out?
While I wish I had a bit more information, such as the name of your brother’s company, I do note that limited knowledge never seems to bother the analysts on CNBC. I say, “Proceed with caution.” With that in mind, you should ask yourself some questions: What’s your exposure on this stock? How much is enough to make before you sell?
If after dealing with your own financial exposure, you still have nagging doubts, ask yourself a few more things: Was your brother directly responsible for overstating the earnings? Is he a director of the company? If so, you might want to ease your conscience with an anonymous tip to the SEC.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes and usually there’s someone else to blame, like lawyers or secretaries.
Q: Because I drank heavily at a party in Silver Lake, my girlfriend reluctantly volunteered to drive us back to Santa Monica in my car. She got into an accident on Beverly Boulevard. Who should pay for repairs?--T.J., Santa Monica
A: Too bad California isn’t one of those “no fault” insurance states. There’s no right or wrong here but there is money involved, so try to think before acting.
My first response is simply to forget about it. I don’t know the particulars of the collision, but your girlfriend sounds like a typical L.A. siren, which means she probably has attention deficit disorder. Trust me, she’ll be asking, “What accident?” before you know it.
If that’s not good enough, then ask yourself: Where is your relationship going?
If she’s soon to be single because you’ve been seeing someone on the side, you should pay for the repairs so that everything is cool. This town isn’t as big as it seems, and she might come back to haunt you.
Conversely, if you find that she’s been seeing someone else (remember all rumors are true in Hollywood), she should pay for her screw-up.
If you’re a happy, faithful couple madly in love, you wouldn’t have written this letter because you’d just share the costs after an irritating series of smiles, kisses and hugs.
Seems you’re actually a confused guy with low self-esteem who doesn’t know when to say when. Try to set some boundaries for yourself. If you can’t, consider joining a 12-step program or going to Promises in Malibu rehab center. Both have good-looking girls who’d understand a guy like you better than your bad-driving date. It’s a win-win, and your liver will thank you for it.
Q: Every year the advertising agency I work for gives bonuses to those responsible for the most successful campaigns. The managing partner congratulates the recipients personally in his office. While none of my campaigns were made, I still received a $2,000 bonus. Is it wrong to keep the money? Should I tell my boss about the mistake?--D.R., Glendale
A: A similar situation happened years ago when I worked in advertising. A client paid for the same services twice. I wondered if I should say something but realized that it would put the person responsible for sending that second check in a difficult position. Since the client was a large multinational company, the amount overpaid was a drop in the bucket. The wonderfully inept person in accounts payable might have been sacked if I had decided to nitpick, so I kept the money. As they say to doctors, “Do no harm.”
In your case, forcing you to watch while your more successful co-workers are called in and given bonuses seems a particularly cruel humiliation. Not to mention an inexact procedure full of potential human error. What if your boss simply forgot to call you in? I say keep the money. Think of it as an incentive to work harder next year.
Q: I occasionally date a man who is eager for something more, but I have no interest in taking the next step. He keeps asking me to go shopping with him. He says it would turn him on if I wore an outfit he purchased for me. Sure, I’ve accepted gifts from men before but this seems somehow different because I have no interest in him. Would it be wrong to accept?--B.T., Van Nuys
A: Does your friend have good taste in clothes?
It sounds like a harmless request and a comparatively mild perversion, if it is one. It reminds me a little of that charming love story “Pretty Woman.” Didn’t Richard Gere’s character woo Julia Roberts’ by buying her clothes? If it was right for them, how could it be wrong for you?
If he’s got money to burn, here’s another thought: Because dresses are so personal and their fashion lives are short, you might suggest he get you something more permanent. It could be more exciting for him to see you wear a diamond necklace at dinner. Remember, love fades away but diamonds are forever.
Q: My recovering alcoholic fiance broke our seven-month engagement by having his “sponsor” lock me out of the house we shared because I was “a threat to his sobriety.” With nothing but the clothes on my back, I phoned my fiance’s numbers to no avail. A text message on my mobile two days later instructed me to collect my things at 2:30 p.m. the next day. When I arrived, his best friend, an attorney, informed me that my fiance was keeping thousands of dollars worth of furniture I had bought for the house. My belongings had been packed and I was asked to leave.
Should he pay me for the furniture?--K. L., Dana Point
A: Your letter raises an excellent point about the social ills brought on by sobriety. While we’re all aware of how drinking and drugs can sour a domestic relationship (just think of any episode of “Cops”), not enough attention is paid to the perils of a 12-stepping partner. Why should you feel uncomfortable to have a glass of wine now and again? Doesn’t this guy have any self-control?
Having his friend handle the breakup for him is loser behavior as well. Was his sponsor with you on dates as well? This guy’s a freak--drunk or sober. Forget the furniture. Relationships are give and take.
