Bruins Take No Offense to the Game of Football

I know it’s a little unconventional, asking to meet with a coach to check for a pulse hours before he’s supposed to lead his team on the field for a bowl game, but certainly not as unusual as UCLA’s Karl Dullard’s agreeing to do it.

So we met at the Bruins’ hotel here, Dullard taking a seat next to the most unimpressive Christmas tree you’ve ever seen -- no ornaments, no tinsel, dim lights -- and Dullard began to laugh before I even had the chance to make the obvious comparison between the tree with no pizazz and the guy coaching UCLA.

I repeat, “Dullard began to laugh,” and I wouldn’t have believed it either had I not witnessed a hint of personality for myself.

I waited for him to stop so I could tell him he’s so far in over his head at UCLA that it appears he’s dug a hole so deep he’ll never make it to the top -- especially with Pete Carroll across town to remind us how badly Dullard is doing.

I suppose I could have started the conversation by saying, “hello,” but I worry we might be saying “goodbye” sooner than I thought.

“In over my head?” Dullard repeated, and then he got serious, his voice rising. I repeat, “his voice rising.”

“In over my head? Not even close,” Dullard said. “It will be different in 2004; I believe that.

“Terry Donahue told me, ‘This is your one shot,’ and so I’m going to do whatever it takes to make the most of it. I know I have to change.... How much time do I have? Well, that’s the question.

“Right now I have the administration 100% behind me, and the way I look at this, it’s a work in progress -- people might even see a different side of me.”

Some fans are asking to see some different coaches standing beside Dullard next season, so I asked whether he will be making any changes on his staff -- considering his offense is currently ranked 109th out of 117 schools.

“I can’t comment on that,” he said. “But if we’re going to recruit athletes for the kind of program that I want, then I’m going to have to be the leader and make the necessary steps to have that happen. And if it’s going to happen, it has to happen immediately at the end of the season.”

That could mean dismissing someone in the next few days, and so I wanted to know, was he capable of making the tough decision?

“Yes sir,” he snapped, and what do you know, more and more a sign of life.

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GAME TIME for the Silicon Valley waste of time, and the first chance to see the new and different Karl Dorrell, who promised during our chat, a better-looking offense against Fresno State.

Now as bowl games go, this had a Friday night high school feel to it. USC has better practice fields than the Spartan Stadium quagmire. The public address announcer sounded like he was on loan from “Remember the Titans.”

UCLA kicked off, and the ball went out of bounds. Remember, this was the first chance to see a new and different Karl Dorrell -- not necessarily a new and different mistake-prone Bruin squad.

Fresno State scored the first touchdown. Dorrell promised a better-looking offense; I thought at the time he was talking about UCLA, but I’ll have to check my notes.

UCLA came back with 10 men on offense. Obviously 11 didn’t work for most of the season, so I guess it was worth a try. They apparently had second thoughts, though, burned a timeout and went back to 11. A moment later, quarterback Drew Olson called an audible, apparently warning his teammates he was about to fumble. Good thing he gave them advanced notice -- UCLA recovered.

On fourth and inches, someone on UCLA’s coaching staff suggested running a deep handoff in the mud, and the Bruins fell short of a first down. Sometimes you have to work at being really lousy.

Fresno State scored again. UCLA responded with a punt, and on the play a player from each team made contact, went flying out of bounds and took out the Towel Waver. I say, the Towel Waver is down.

Fresno State scored a field goal this time, and it’s 17-0. Can you say Freedom Bowl? Fresno State 24, USC 7, and that’s it for Larry Smith.

Did I mention I think Dullard is in over his head?

*

FRESNO STATE got small-school greedy, rushed the Bruin punter and roughed him, giving the Bruins one more try on offense before the half. Hard to believe now, but UCLA scored.

Bruin starting safety Jarrad Page, however, was ejected from the game a moment later after a mini-melee. That seemed to anger Dullard, who ran off the field at halftime yelling at the referee, which raised a bigger question -- would he be able to carry that burst of emotion into the locker room, and charge up his team?

In fact, here was the halftime-speech opportunity to discard the Dullard tag, set the Bruins up for something really new and different in 2004, and folks, I swear they were showing TV replays of Karl Dorrell jumping up and down on the Bruin sideline in the second half like he was really was excited.

I know this, it was good to see because if USC is going to play in the national championship game every year, we’ve got to make UCLA more competitive, so the Bruins don’t adversely affect the Trojans’ strength of schedule.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Michelle Seaton:

“I was raised in Michigan and I am a

U of M football fan.

“After reading your column you have forced me to agree with something my husband’s been saying for years -- you’re an idiot.”

Now why would you marry someone who went to Nebraska?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.