Hamming It Up a Little Too Much

By GRAHAME L. JONES

Feb. 2, 2003 12 AM PT

One of the more intriguing, if not lighthearted, stories to emerge last week from the bizarre world of soccer was that of a young Brazilian player known simply as Nunes.

It seems the teenager caused a stir when, after scoring a late goal to earn Santo Andre a 2-2 tie with Palmeiras in a youth tournament, he got down on his hands and knees and, according to those in attendance, “pulled pig-like faces” in front of Palmeiras fans.

Those fans were not amused, especially since they had adopted a swine as their unofficial mascot. Nunes’ stunt prompted them to trample down fences, invade the field and get into a hullabaloo with police after Palmeiras had lost the game in a penalty shootout.

As for Nunes, he was fined more than $5,000 for his riot-starting antics, a sum Santo Andre was likely to pay on his behalf, no doubt while hiding a half-smile.

Trinidad Tomfoolery

Such high jinks are commonplace in Brazil, but there is less laughter farther north. Up in this neck of the woods -- which is to say, the North and Central American and Caribbean (CONCACAF) region -- humorous incidents are in short supply.

Here, the silk purse is of more concern than the sow’s ear.

For instance, in Trinidad and Tobago last week, the players on the national team staged an impromptu strike two days before they were to play visiting Finland in a friendly international at Port of Spain, Trinidad.

As usual, money was the root of this evil. The players said they had not been paid for previous games, had been provided with inadequate training facilities and had not even been fed properly.

“We are asked to train for up to three hours or more five days a week and all we get are sandwiches and water after that,” team captain Travis Mulrain complained.

The players asked for $750 to $1,000 per player per game, depending on experience. The federation offered a flat $200 a game. The players walked out and were promptly suspended. A makeshift team then lost to Finland, 2-1.

The bottom line: another black eye for Trinidad and Tobago, which, not coincidentally, is the home of Jack Warner, CONCACAF’s president and a FIFA vice president.

As You Were Saying

Warner, some might recall, only a couple of weeks ago was spouting as only he can about how certain Caribbean soccer associations were not putting to good use the $250,000 they get annually from FIFA.

“I will ask FIFA to hold back the funding, and we will have to teach the Caribbean associations how to invest and use the money wisely,” Warner said in a speech to business officials in Barbados.

Given the mess in Port of Spain, it would appear the lessons should begin in Warner’s own backyard.

FIFA Probe

Perhaps Warner has his mind on matters more serious than the welfare of a few national team players. Last week, his old friend and ally, FIFA President Joseph “Sepp” Blatter, promised a FIFA investigation into the long-rumored and oft-reported skulduggery within CONCACAF.

It appears that Haiti’s vote at the 1996 FIFA Congress in Zurich was cast not by Haiti’s legal representative, Jean-Marie Kyss, who had not been allowed to leave the island to attend the Congress, but by a female acquaintance of Horace Burrell, president of the Jamaican soccer federation and a friend of Warner.

Burrell, some might recall, declared in July that Jamaica did not have the money to finance its national teams, this not long after he had led a delegation on an expenses-paid trip to the 2002 World Cup in Japan and South Korea, for which Jamaica had not qualified.

It appears too that Haiti’s vote in the presidential election at the 1998 FIFA Congress in Paris was cast not by Haiti’s legal representative, but by Neville Ferguson, who just happens to be a personal assistant to Blatter supporter Warner.

No doubt FIFA will find a way to explain away these matters, which were reported at length in England’s Daily Mail, but the very thought of an investigation, no matter how much of a whitewash finally is produced, must be troubling to Warner.

Perhaps that was why, when Warner was presiding over the “blind draw” last week in Abu Dhabi for the FIFA World Youth Championship in the United Arab Emirates, the host nation managed to be drawn into a group with not one, not two, but three weaklings that have never before qualified for the tournament.

Even the United Arab Emirates should be able to get past the likes of Slovakia, Panama and Burkina Faso.

It was probably just the United Arab Emirates’ good fortune, of course, to avoid the three strongest European teams and all four South American teams in the competition. But the United Arab Emirates beat sizable odds in doing so.

No Respect at All

The cumulative effect of the various shenanigans in CONCACAF undermines the credibility of the region and causes it to be treated with disdain internationally.

This shows in various ways, not the least of which is sending weak teams to play in this region. The latest example is the squad Argentina’s Coach Marcelo Bielsa selected to play Honduras (a 3-1 Argentine victory in San Pedro Sula on Friday night), Mexico in the Coliseum on Tuesday night and the United States in Miami on Saturday.

Bielsa chose 20 Argentina-based players, only two of whom have played in international matches. He then selected a powerful squad of 22 Europe-based players to play the Netherlands on Feb. 12. There is no overlap between the squads.

The message is clear: Send the weak to play the weak and the strong to play the strong.

Bruce Arena, the U.S. coach, is treating Argentina the same way, selecting only Major League Soccer players, and Mexico Coach Ricardo Lavolpe has suddenly had to rethink his lineup after five of his players, all from Club America, left his training camp in midweek and rejoined their club for league games this weekend.

The departure of striker Cuauhtemoc Blanco and defenders Pavel Pardo, Duilio Davino, Raul Salinas and Jose Castro left Lavolpe fuming.

“We need to plan things better,” he said, adding that Tuesday’s game against Argentina is “good from the economic point of view but bad from the sporting side.”

Mexico also plays Colombia in San Diego on Feb. 12, but with the weekend Mexican league schedule and a travel day thrown into the mix, Lavolpe will have almost no time to prepare.

“We have very good individuals, but we can’t talk about playing as a team,” he said.

That, sadly, is the way it is in CONCACAF, which is why a Brazilian teenager who imitates a pig very often makes for more entertaining reading.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX)

2003 CONCACAF

Champions Cup

Sixteen teams have qualified for the 2003 CONCACAF Champions Cup. The draw Monday in New York will divide them into groups of four for first-round play. The field, in alphabetical order:

* Alajuelense (Costa Rica)

* Arnett Gardens (Jamaica)

* Club America (Mexico)

* Columbus Crew (USA)

* Comunicaciones (Guatemala)

* Deportivo Arabe Unido (Panama)

* F.A.S. (El Salvador)

* Galaxy (USA)

* Morelia (Mexico)

* Motagua (Honduras)

* Municipal (Guatemala)

* Necaxa (Mexico)