Back to Reality for Tiger, Tour

Upon his return to the PGA Tour on Wednesday, Tiger Woods tested his surgically repaired knee with all the usual exercises.

Jabbed it directly into Phil Mickelson’s neck.

“As we all know, Phil can try and be a smart-aleck at times,” he said.

Stuck it under the chin of everybody who has won a tournament in his absence.

“I think you have to understand that when you have absolutely perfect conditions, the guys are going to go low,” he said.

Banged it against the thigh of leading money winner Ernie Els.

“His start is obviously pretty impressive, but ... we are going to get probably about the same number of events, between 16 and 20 events,” he said. “So it’s not like he’s going to come out here and play 30 events on our tour and I’d probably have no chance of catching him.”

Tweaked it against the ponytail of Annika Sorenstam.

“I think it’s great she’s playing, but -- this is the but part -- it will only be great for women’s golf if she plays well,” he said. “If she goes out there and puts up two high scores ... I think it’s going to be more detrimental than it’s going to be any good.”

And, as usual, kicked away the impending controversy at Augusta.

“Am I a politician? No,” he said. “I’m a professional athlete.”

Same old Tiger, same old flop shots and fade shots and head shots.

“I’m excited to get back out there and play again and compete,” he said, spitting out the word “compete” as if it were a poke in the chest.

His first tournament of the six-week-old season -- and his first competitive rounds since undergoing surgery on his left knee Dec. 12 -- will begin today in the Buick Invitational at Torrey Pines Golf Course.

He is beginning with so much baggage, he will need more than one caddie.

But he is beginning with that scary smile.

“I’ve always been one to prefer to play tougher golf courses,” he said.

Just as the Lakers required a couple of bad months for inspiration, Woods requires a couple of bad lies.

This year, they have found him.

He has a left knee that bothered him so much last season, he was consumed with swallowing pain pills and taking cortisone injections.

“Toward the end of the year, it was just brutal,” he said.

Just before Christmas, he had arthroscopic surgery that left him sidelined for a month. He has played only three rounds since the operation, only one without a golf cart.

Besides making you wonder if this would finally make him more sympathetic to Casey Martin, it also makes him wonder how he’ll be feeling after this weekend.

“It’s going to be a week-to-week trial and error and see if I can keep playing,” said Woods, who won’t know until Monday whether he will be fit for next week’s Nissan Open at Riviera Country Club. “I know I’m not 100% yet, but it’s pretty darn close.... I think the only hard thing is going to be getting into a full squatting position and reading putts, time after time after time. I hope it doesn’t get sore that way.”

The tour’s top player for five of his six full seasons is also faced with the biggest deficit of his career, a $1.81-million hole behind leading money-winner Els.

Does this bother Woods? What do you think?

“Probably just a little, yeah,” he said. “I’ve got to be honest with you.”

Finally, Woods steps on to the soggy course this weekend embroiled in a muddy spat with Mickelson, who comes closer than anyone to resembling a Woods rival.

In a recent magazine story, Mickelson ripped Woods’ Nike clubs, saying it was a wonder he did so well by using “inferior equipment.”

This was sort of like Tracy McGrady saying it was a wonder Michael Jordan could dunk in those inferior Air Jordans, and all hyperbole broke loose.

Although Mickelson wasn’t ripping Woods, he was certainly tweaking him.

And although Woods didn’t need to take offense, he took the opportunity to lash back.

Said Mickelson on Wednesday: “It certainly was not meant to be a slap by any means. It was just not a well-thought-out statement and an area that I just shouldn’t have gone.”

Countered Woods: “I thought it was Phil trying to be funny and it didn’t come off right at all.... I think it was one of those instances where it just backfired on him.”

These guys aren’t friends. It’s clear on the course, it’s clear in the clubhouse, and it was clear again Wednesday when Woods went to great lengths to sink the last verbal putt.

Mickelson walked into the media room here at 10 a.m. and was asked if he had apologized to Woods for the remarks

Mickelson said he had called Woods but Woods had not called him back.

“I left a couple of messages,” he said. “We haven’t talked yet.”

Woods heard this, realized he had left Mickelson dangling long enough, quickly returned the call, then walked into the media room about an hour later with that scary smile.

“I did call him back, we talked and we cleared the air,” he said. “Everything is fine and no worries.”

Tiger Woods is back.

Who has no worries?

Bill Plaschke can be reached at bill.plaschke@latimes.com.