Drivers Don’t Like Her Split Personality

The messy divorce of NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon and his wife Brooke, whose lawyers tried to subpoena several car owners at Daytona International Speedway last week, prompted this observation from Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel:

“Around the track, Brooke isn’t looked upon as a beauty queen anymore; she’s portrayed as the ice princess. The former Miss Winston is now about as welcome around here as a nicotine patch.

“When her name is mentioned, these good ol’ boys scrunch up their noses as if you just offered them a six-pack of O’Doul’s.”

More Bianchi: The columnist came up with a Valentine’s Day poem for the Gordons: “Roses are red, violets are blue, give me half, then we’re through.”

Trivia time: Who was the last UCLA men’s basketball player to lead the Pacific 10 Conference in scoring?

Golden rule: Greg Cote of the Miami Herald writes that he’s just getting into the book, “Ground Rules for Winners,” by New York Yankee Manager Joe Torre: “I presume Joe’s Rule No. 1 is: Have George Steinbrenner buy you five or six first-rate starting pitchers.”

Gender wars: Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press supports Annika Sorenstam’s decision to accept an invitation to play in a PGA Tour event, though he doubts it will do much to change some people’s attitudes toward women:

“It’s hard to resist the hypocrisy that shadows this whole deal. In April, you’ll have the Masters, where Sorenstam couldn’t become a member. And in May you’ll have the Colonial, where she may not only defeat some Masters competitors, she may take some of their money.

“And who knows? Maybe Sorenstam will shock everyone and win the whole thing. If that happens, look for the folks at Augusta to break down and change their rules.

“They’ll let her caddie.”

Wrong stuff: Golden State Coach Eric Musselman said his Warriors’ ranking among the worst defensive teams in the NBA is no accident, telling the “Best Damn Sports Show” panel:

“If you wonder why, it’s probably because, during practice, we have guys working on their dunks instead of working at the defensive end of the floor.”

Bottle Rockets: Dale Robertson of the Houston Chronicle writes that the Rockets, who play the Lakers on Tuesday, are a difficult team to figure out:

“Presumably, the Rockets’ many-faced personality is a function of their youth and the resulting natural propensity for moronic strategic indiscretions and incomprehensible decisions. We have to believe this, or we would turn our backs on them for the sake of our own sanity.”

Trivia answer: Reggie Miller, with a 25.9 average in 1985-86.

And finally: Tim Maxworthy, a defending state high school wrestling champion in Ohio, went to court to overturn his expulsion after school officials found shotgun shells, chewing tobacco and a hunting knife in his pickup truck.

Wrote Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “We must admit that Maxworthy had one heck of an alibi -- that Tonya Harding obviously left her makeup kit behind that night she hitched a ride home.”