They Do the Hokeypokey

Mike Tyson was out, now he’s back in. Clifford Etienne was in, now he says he’s out.

Shane Mosley talked himself into getting out, but now he’s talking about getting back in. It took a commission to get Fernando Vargas out, but now he has an offer from Oscar De La Hoya to get back in.

And De La Hoya insists he’s in for a Sept. 13 bout against an opponent of his choosing, despite his promoter, Bob Arum, saying De La Hoya might be out until facing Vargas in November.

Still following? Could anybody in their right mind follow this? Is there anybody still in their right mind running boxing?

With each passing day, the push by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) to bring order to the sport’s chaos through legislation, and perhaps a national boxing czar, looks like the only solution.

Especially a day such as Tuesday, when the sport turned upside down again, making a mockery of Monday’s headlines and a fool out of anyone who takes any pronouncement in boxing as gospel. In most sports, rules are chiseled in stone. In boxing, nutty-putty is more fitting.

* On Monday, Tyson dropped out of his fight against Etienne, scheduled for Saturday in Memphis, Tenn., claiming he had flu.

* On Tuesday, Tyson awoke, said he felt better, went for a short jog, said he felt better still, and hopped a charter flight to Memphis.

“Mike called me this morning and told me he is ready to go,” said his manager, Shelly Finkel. “He told me he can beat Etienne and this is what he intends to do.”

Fair enough, but a flu bug doesn’t explain why, even before getting ill, Tyson slacked on his training enough to cause assistant trainer Jeff Fenech to leave camp in dismay. A flu bug doesn’t explain Tyson’s decision to get a tattoo down one side of his face less than two weeks before the fight, creating a condition that could lead to serious bleeding if the area is struck by a glove.

* On Monday, Etienne arrived in Memphis, ready for the fight he felt would put him on the boxing map, the most important match of his career.

* On Tuesday, Etienne said it was his turn to pull out rather than be part of the Tyson circus.

“Even if Shelly Finkel sweetens the pot,” Etienne said, “I’m still not going through with the fight. I made a decision and that’s it. I’m not Mike Tyson. I’m not a switch-hitter. I don’t have time to play games like that.”

* On Monday, Mosley turned down a $4.25-million guarantee for a rematch against De La Hoya, refusing to settle for a third of what De La Hoya would get considering that Mosley beat De La Hoya in a split decision in the first fight. “It’s over, done, finished,” Arum said of the negotiations.

* On Tuesday: Talks continued behind the scenes to salvage the fight. “The train is back on the track,” Jack Tiernan, Mosley’s agent, said, “and heading in the right direction.”

* On Monday: Arum said he planned to resume negotiations with Vargas, who is serving a suspension handed down by the Nevada State Athletic Commission for testing positive for steroids after his TKO loss to De La Hoya last September. Vargas is planning a comeback fight, against a lesser opponent, in July, possibly at the Olympic Auditorium. That wouldn’t leave Vargas enough time to come back in September against De La Hoya, but Arum said a De La Hoya-Vargas fight would then be pushed back to November.

* On Tuesday: De La Hoya said he’s not fighting in November, and is not ready to call the Mosley negotiations over, done or finished.

“This is how I feel,” De La Hoya said. “Bob does a great job as my promoter, but sometimes, I feel differently than he does.

“I think we can’t just get rid of Mosley. It’s a fight I want and it’s a great payday. I think we might be able to still work things out, still save it.

“If Mosley doesn’t take this fight, I think he’ll go downhill. He really needs this fight to establish himself, to get back to where he was. After the last three fights he has had [two losses to Vernon Forrest and a no-decision due to accidental head butts against Raul Marquez], his market value is down and his popularity with his fans is down.”

De La Hoya, who will fight Yory Boy Campas on May 3 at Las Vegas’ Mandalay Bay Events Center, said that if Mosley doesn’t lower his demands, he’d be willing to fight Vargas but only on the September date.

“I’m not budging on Sept. 13,” De La Hoya said. “That is my time to fight. If Fernando really wants to fight me, he should forget about July. If he really wants a rematch, take it in September. He says he wants to fight at the Olympic in July. Again, he’s following in my footsteps. Forget about it.

“And forget about the reports that I’m going to fight [Antonio] Margarito or [Ricardo] Mayorga. The guys I have on my mind are Felix Trinidad, Bernard Hopkins, Shane Mosley, Winky Wright and Vernon Forrest. Those are the only guys in the picture.”

Imagine this in any other sport. Imagine the Angels refusing to play the New York Yankees because the Yankees are a better draw and generate more broadcast revenue. Imagine the Denver Nuggets refusing to play the Lakers because the Lakers are too good or because they don’t like the date.

When Oakland Raider center Barret Robbins failed to suit up for the Super Bowl, the game still went on.

The difference, of course, is that in all these other sports, no individual is bigger than the sport, no team is bigger than the national organization under which it operates. In boxing, the individual is the sport and there is no national governing body.

To be sure, there are some state boxing commissions with integrity. The Nevada commission rejected Tyson’s request for a license last year.

But that’s the exception. At least in De La Hoya’s case, he has used his financial clout to elevate his sport. Unfortunately, a Mike Tyson, no matter how many ears he bites or how outrageous he gets, will always find someone to license him as well as long as he, too, can generate revenue. And he continues to generate revenue for the same reason that “Joe Millionaire” draws huge ratings.

Because we love our soap operas.