Palmer Offers Sage Advice

At least Arnold Palmer understands. Poor Tiger Woods, he’s really in a hole, isn’t he? It’s probably the dumbest line of reasoning in sports, the lame notion that Woods is in a slump, or something like it, because he hasn’t won a major since the U.S. Open last June.

The reasons for this glaring omission are anybody’s guess, so that’s probably why there are so many opinions.

He is swinging bad clubs, which is what Phil Mickelson says.

He needs to get married, which is what Jack Nicklaus says.

It’s Annika Sorenstam’s fault, which is what Vijay Singh says. Just kidding.

It’s the media’s fault, which is what Tiger says.

Maybe Woods is right. The reason it could be the media’s fault is because there is no big slumping deal to report on in the first place.

That’s why what Palmer said is so worthwhile, and hopefully, Tiger caught a few words of it. Besides authority, you would have to admit that what Palmer can offer is perspective.

Last week, Palmer said there are a lot of players who would like to be in Tiger’s slump, if that’s what it is when you have three victories in eight tournaments.

And Nicklaus said the same thing, presumably when he wasn’t busy trying to push Woods down the aisle so he could fully share his life’s work, an experience that only a wife can fulfill. Why being a girlfriend falls short as a partnership category is another issue, but put that aside for now.

Palmer says the first time he went through a slump was because of what happened in 1962. He said “slump” in conjunction with two other words -- “media wise” -- a pair not regularly associated with each other. Palmer won eight tournaments in 1962, including the Masters, the British Open and the Colonial.

But then came 1963. Palmer found himself mired in a slump. Sure, he won seven tournaments, but not one of them was a major.

Palmer said it wasn’t too good.

Then came 1964. Palmer sprang himself out of the slump. He won the Masters.

Palmer said it was OK again.

He said his experience tells him that in playing the PGA Tour hard for 25 years, he got placed on official slump probation three or four times.

He said his experience also tells him something else. It’s the media’s fault, all right, but he’s certainly not angry about any of it. You’ve got to have something to fill up the newspaper with, Palmer said. You have to have something to write about.

Palmer said he never had a problem with it -- and Tiger clearly does. Palmer also said that some members of the media are among the best guys he knows -- and Tiger might even agree with that. Woods has favorites in the media, the ones he calls by their first names and tells jokes to, but not the ones who ask him about any slumps.

Those guys get the wide, frosty Tiger smile that’s so cold it deep-freezes your epidermal layer faster than you can say Popsicle.

The facts are that Woods does not hold at least one major title for the first time since July 1999, when he tied for seventh at the British Open, meaning he hadn’t won a major since the 1997 Masters.

Of course, Tiger promptly went out and won the 1999 PGA Championship and six more majors since then. Do 37 PGA Tour victories, 50 worldwide, plus eight majors sound even the slightest bit slumpish? Look at it this way: If Tiger wins either the British Open at Royal St. George’s or the PGA Championship at Oak Hill, he’s probably going to be player of the year, depending on what Mike Weir does. Slump that.

Palmer would tell Tiger to lighten up and forget it instead of letting the discussion become an issue, which it does every time it crops up. The last time was in 2002, when Woods showed up at Torrey Pines and had to answer for playing seven consecutive PGA Tour events from September 2001 and not winning one.

Tiger did not like that very much. He hasn’t changed a bit, which is understandable, but not what Palmer would advise. Of course, while Palmer was out there grinding away for those 25 years or so, he never once came close to dealing with the kind of media avalanche that Woods has to snowshoe through every tournament he plays.

There is a way out of this entire business, Palmer pointed out. All it’s going to take is for Woods to win a tournament, say, the Western Open or even better, the British Open. Then, the headline is “The slump is over.”

It’s a game, and yes, it’s probably a stupid game, but it’s not so bad to play along if you know the rules. So Tiger, listen to Arnold. And media, we’ll keep the game going.