Federer Will Milk This for All It’s Worth

Swiss Open officials surprised countryman Roger Federer when they presented the Wimbledon champion with a tan-and-white Bernese Oberlander last week.

You’re thinking: “I’ve never heard of that kind of car.”

Federer only wishes. It’s not a car; it’s a 1,760-pound cow.

Federer, the first Swiss man to win a Grand Slam tennis title, is left trying to decide what to do with her.

“Maybe it would be better to leave her in the mountains,” he said. “She’ll be happier there than in the streets of Basel.”

Tournament director Koebi Hermenjat said if Federer left the cow in Gstaad, she would be well supplied with -- everybody now -- “Swiss cheese.”

Trivia time: Who was the last wire-to-wire winner in the British Open?

Go figure: Major League Baseball invites Sammy Sosa to enter the home-run hitting contest before the All-Star game.

What?

The guy didn’t admit to much when he was suspended for using a corked bat, but he did admit that he used it for batting practice and exhibi- tions.

Real heroes: Brothers Pat and Kevin Tillman, who left their careers in pro sports to join the Army, will receive the ESPY’s Arthur Ashe Courage Award on Wednesday.

Pat played four seasons with the Arizona Cardinals and turned down a three-year, $3.6-million deal before enlisting in May 2002. Kevin was a minor league prospect in the Cleveland Indians’ organization. Both became Army Rangers and served in the Middle East during the war with Iraq.

The Tillmans have declined interview requests, so younger brother Richard will accept the award.

Short-sighted: Ten national high school records have been washed out after a laser survey of the Princess Anne Recreation Center pool in Virginia Beach revealed it was between .32 and .83 inches short of regulation length.

The Virginia High School League invalidated the marks and revoked All-America qualifications for 28 swimmers.

The high school kids -- many of whom set records that would not have been affected by a half an inch or so -- weren’t the only ones upset. Ken Tilley, the league’s executive director, pointed out that many facilities these days use movable bulkheads to shorten pools.

“You could make this claim after every event, after each swim,” he said. “Does a pool have to be recertified before and after every event?”

Roll it out: The International SpeedHockey League -- a four-on-four inline hockey league that features recessed goals and a two-point arc -- begins play Sept. 13 at UC Irvine’s Bren Center with spokesman Alex Bellehumeur promising “the fastest professional team sport in the world.”

A press release says the league will begin with teams in 12 U.S. cities -- it doesn’t mention which -- with “expansion to Canada and Europe planned over the following three years.”

Trivia answer: Tom Weiskopf in 1973.

And finally: Retired three-time Wimbledon champion Boris Becker, on a comeback: “I don’t think they would have shorts big enough.”