Today, It’ll Be, ‘Take This Horse, Please’

So many of horse racing’s Triple Crown winners had such proud and regal-sounding names.

There were Sir Barton in 1919, Gallant Fox in ‘30, War Admiral in ‘37, Assault in ‘46, Citation in ’48 and Affirmed in ’78.

And then there is today’s contender, Funny Cide.

“It sounds like he should run wearing funny glasses and a fake nose,” comedian Joe Piscopo told Associated Press. “Maybe the jockey could warm up the crowd before the race: ‘Where ya from? Hey, nice tie.’ ”

Trivia time: Who is the only jockey who won two Triple Crowns?

Big Red: It has been 25 years since Affirmed won the Triple Crown. The last time the span between winners was so long, Secretariat won with performances that left many witnesses slack-jawed.

In the Belmont, his margin of victory was a record 31 lengths, in a world-record time of 2 minutes 24 seconds. Penny Chenery, Secretariat’s owner, will be rooting for Funny Cide today, having sensed something familiar about his Preakness victory.

“The thrilling thing about Funny Cide is how he turned on the afterburners in the stretch,” she said. “It reminded me of a big red horse I used to know.”

Weighty issue: Columnist Jerry Greene of the Orlando Sentinel is among many who seem to think Shaquille O’Neal might be getting a little, uh ... heavy.

So he ignored “the nasty claims” that Shaq might weigh close to 400 pounds and took his listed height and weight -- 7 feet 1, 338 pounds -- and entered it into an Internet tool that determines “Body Mass Index.”

Greene’s prognosis: Shaq is in Fat City. The BMI was 32.9. Higher than 25 is overweight.

In an open letter to the Laker center, Greene said, “This BMI also says your ideal weight is 287. Wow, small world or what? I’m your ideal weight and just 15 inches short of your ideal height.”

Add Shaq: When he finally had his once-postponed postseason meeting with Laker Coach Phil Jackson, O’Neal’s training and physical conditioning were among the topics.

“Shaquille is very sensitive around that area,” Jackson said on his weekly show on Sporting News Radio. “I feel like he is probably more sensitive than he should be because he is in really good shape. He is 350 pounds and looks great.”

He weighs 350? Time to refigure that BMI.

Trivia answer: Eddie Arcaro, aboard Whirlaway in 1941 and Citation in 1948.

History lesson: New York Yankee owner George Steinbrenner was whining recently about the imbalance of interleague play, lamenting his team’s playing the Chicago Cubs while Boston drew Milwaukee.

“And I’m thinking,” wrote columnist Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune, “has Steinbrenner completely missed the Cubs’ last century?”

And finally: Today’s Yankee-Cub game pitting Roger Clemens, who is going for victory No. 300 (and 4,000 strikeouts), against Chicago ace Kerry Wood, is the hottest of hot tickets. Box seats with a face value of $45 have been going for $1,500 in the days leading up to the game.

Of course, Chicago fans have an advantage: They never worry about saving for the playoffs.