Nichols on the Stand: No Day at the Beach

In remarks 10 days ago to the Daily Pilot newspaper, Newport Beach Councilman Richard Nichols said he opposes expanding grassy areas at Corona del Mar State Beach because “with grass, we usually get Mexicans coming in there early in the morning, and they claim it as theirs, and it becomes their personal, private grounds all day.”

Nichols has been in the social dungeon ever since; his six colleagues have said he should resign. Nichols has suggested he’s not sure what the fuss is about.

Since he’s been charged with a major gaffe, why not put him on the witness stand? I can picture Nichols, 63, confidently taking his seat in the box.

Prosecutor: State your name for the record.

Nichols: Me llamo Ricardo Nichols.

Prosecutor: Excuse me?

Nichols: Me llamo Ricardo --

Prosecutor: Sir, please speak in English.

Nichols: I’m sorry. It’s just that Spanish is such a beautiful language. I could listen to it all day long. And the music, wow! And if I could just say one more thing -- Quiero a todos los ninos mexicanos.

Prosecutor: It’s very sweet that you love all the Mexican children, but let’s get down to brass tacks. You have said you oppose expanding grassy areas on the beach because it will attract Mexican families who stay there all day.

Nichols: Clearly, I misspoke. I was lamenting the fact that other families from south of the border -- the Guatemalans, the Colombians, the Costa Ricans -- might not have enough room for their families.

Prosecutor: So you would have us believe that your specific reference to Mexicans did not in any way indicate resentment that they are using the beaches and leaving less room for, shall we say, white-skinned residents?

Nichols (cheerily): Where would you get an idea like that? Like I always say, “Mi playa, su playa.”

Prosecutor: Do you understand why people are upset?

Nichols: Not really. All I said was that Mexicans like to use the beach and they tend to stay there all day. It’s not like I accused them of a crime.

Prosecutor: You didn’t seem to take into account that as taxpaying citizens they’re entitled to use the beaches as much as they want.

Nichols: How do you know they’re citizens?

Prosecutor: Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. How do you know they’re not?

Nichols (wiping his brow): Well, OK, I suppose they could be. OK, let’s say they are. I still didn’t accuse them of anything. Is this flap all because I didn’t say Mexican-Americans?

Prosecutor: I’m not sure you’re getting the point. Let me try this: Would you say that a public official is elected to conduct the public’s business?

Nichols: Sure.

Prosecutor: Would you say it’s appropriate for a public official to base an official action, such as voting for or against a project, on the basis of one ethnic group’s participation in it?

Nichols (twisting in his seat): Not really.

Prosecutor: And do you think it’s fair to stereotype all Mexicans, as you refer to them, even those who might go to the beach in groups of two or three or who stay an hour?

Nichols: Um, no .... But what’s the harm?

Prosecutor: Would you be upset if the council voted against a new golf course on the grounds that 63-year-old white men were getting too many tee times and taking too long to play?

Nichols: I’d be furious. I’d tell them it’s a public course and, besides, how dare they lump me in with every other 63-year-old white guy who plays golf. How can I have individual rights or identity if I’m lumped in with a group?

Prosecutor: No further questions. You may step down.

Dana Parsons’ column

appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He can be

reached at (714) 966-7821, at dana.parsons@latimes.com or at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626.