Solutions to Problems Are at His Fingertips

Re “Right on the Button,” editorial, March 9:

Ahhh ... the green light button. I laughed so hard that I almost choked on my ceeegar. Yes, I had one of those in my car for years. It worked fine in Costa Mesa. However, I moved to Irvine, where our enlightened city planners decided that we suburban neighbors weren’t getting to know each other well enough. They implemented a red-light policy in which all lanes face red lights so we can meet our fellow suburbanites for three minutes at a time, from the safety of our imported cars.

I’m now putting the finishing touches on the San Diego Freeway button, which makes all slowpokes and SUVs get out of my lane as I do the South Bay Curve, Long Beach and O.C. home stretch. Surely that one will make me rich -- as soon as I figure out the Culver City, Westwood and Mulholland algorithms, that is.

After that I’m working on the Saddam and Chirac button, but that’s a secret. Now, if someone could come out with buttons for the Fox “reality” shows, Al Davis and Gray Davis, they’d deserve a Nobel Prize for Peace and Happiness.

Tony Esporma

Irvine