Maybe the Deputy Was Mad That He Didn’t Get Fries ... and a Hot Dog

In the never-ending stupid criminal tricks competition, a man “threw a ketchup bottle from the balcony of his fifth-floor hotel room” on Sunset Boulevard, the L.A. Independent reported.

The bottle “struck a sheriff’s deputy on the street below, who then arrested the suspect for assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer.”

Someone else seeing red: The Los Alamitos News-Enterprise said “a man walking around a business was reported to be hurt and bleeding. Police discovered the man was not hurt, and the blood was red paint.”

As for the red items in this kitchen ... : Fresh fruit is tasty but I’m guessing the real estate agent meant to say “appli- ances” in the ad that George Ehrnman of Upland spotted (see right).

A wild time ahead? Ray Ebbets of Sylmar snapped a shot of a driver who had strapped his off-road vehicle to the back of his rig (see right).

Paying your dues is fine, but ... : John Morgan of Santa Barbara noticed that a TV station’s opening for an audio operator required a resume dating to the 19th century (see right).

Watch it, buddy: Don’t you just hate advertisers whose junk mail is over-familiar? Look at the way a solicitor refers to Peter Smoot of West L.A. (see right).

We’re No. 25! We’re No. 25! Don’t know if you’ve heard, but a poll ranking the traits of 25 cities voted L.A. worst in the categories of public transportation, friendliness and beauty.

I personally want to thank the poll-takers, Travel + Leisure magazine and America Online. As I’ve said before, I hope these empty-headed exercises keep people from moving here.

L.A., by the way, didn’t achieve a Top 5 finish in any of the 10 categories, including people-watching. Gee, you’d think that watching grouchy Angelenos would be great fun.

Speaking of people-watching: The Seal Beach Sun said that “a subject was reported in an alley washing his vehicle but not wearing any pants.

“The caller could not see if the subject was naked or wearing underwear.

“Police arrived and found the suspect was wearing swim shorts.”

It wasn’t covered by the warranty: Adding to our collection of off-beat driving stories, Stephen Finch of Coto de Caza recalled that when he worked at a gas station as a teenager, “a woman came in reporting a screeching sound from under the hood.”

“I asked the woman to ‘goose’ the engine and sure enough there was a screech. But it wasn’t coming from the engine block. It was from the area around the wheel well.

“I got out an old heavy jacket and a pair of gloves. Carefully, I reached in and gently pulled out the woman’s cat. She was amazed and said she lived six miles away.”

Added Finch: “That heavy jacket saved my arms. It took five minutes to get the cat calmed down.”

MiscelLAny: I read in the L.A. Business Journal that a Santa Monica landlord was fined for renting out a 200-square-foot doghouse as a studio apartment. Wonder if the doghouse came furnished with a bowl?

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083; by fax at (213) 237-4712; by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012; and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.